Monday, April 04, 2005

Can't sleep

Well I can't sleep tonight. To much going on in my head right now. In about a week I fly to California...I'm excited but so scared at the same time. I didn't think it would be this hard to say goodbye and leave, but it is. Some times I'm so excited I can't stand it and others its like...what the heck am I doing? Giving up all that I know to just get up and move to a place where I know on one or nothing about. I'm just so comfortable here, its my life for the past four years or so. But change is good, we all need it, some more than others. I've wanted this for so long, but so afraid to fail. My mind is just going crazy lately. I know deep inside that everything will be fine once I get there and get settled...its going to take some time and I have a hard time with patience. Yes I will get lonely, but who doesn't? Yes I'll be said but its all part of life and just one more thing do deal with and learn from. But I will meet new people and enjoy school and life out there. I can't stay here for ever...if I do I'll never grow and experience new things. So here goes nothing I guess, its all on the line now... This is my second chance in a way.


Why me? Why me?
I have asked myself may times over the years
Why me?
Why did I trust, only to be betrayed?
Why did I love, only to be hurt?
I have held anger, frustration, resentment, and disgust towards you.
You left me broken, bruised, confused, feeling worthless and I ask you....Why me?
But I have been restored, made anew. I am beautiful, precious, and called to greater things.
So instead of asking Why me? I now say Thank you!
Thank you, for this has made me stronger, wiser, bolder and smarter.
Thank you.
"It's undeniable how brilliant you are, in an unreliable world you shine like a star...The One that I can't deny"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Jenny,

You are so honest, and that is so great, because as you recognize your feelings you'll be able to overcome your fears that much more quickly! You will not fail in California, in school, because God has led you there, and ordained this time of your life for this purpose. Trust completely in Him, and in His leading, which can sound cheesy, but it's true, and He will lead you to the people and the places that you need to meet. I pray for you every day, and know that you will make an easy transition to your new life in CA! Keep your chin up, your eyes focused on the end, and your feet moving steadily and unwaveringly in the path that you have said "Yes, God!" to! You will succeed, and you will be blessed, and you will learn so mucn, not only about photograhpy, but about the God whom you serve and follow. Really, all I can say, is, YOU GO GIRL!!!!

Luv to you!
Becky