LOVE

The picture above may be a bit odd or even disturbing to some people, but please read on and I will explain.

I chose today to write about this for two reasons, I received an invite on Facebook to attend Love is the Movement (February 13) with an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms and because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. (suicide rates are at their highest during this time of year)

Many of you who will read this know the story or at lest some of it. Some of which you may try to forget and pretend it doesn’t exits and some of you may be learning of this for the first time. I on the other hand will never forget this and am daily reminded by the scars on my wrist (picture above). I won’t go into all the details because this could go on for a long time.

For years I suffered with depression, suicide and cutting issues. It started when I was pretty young and continued on until my early twenties. Most of my depression and rebellion was blamed on my parent’s divorce, moving around and all the stress that caused. I was sent to see school counselors, and others not in the school system. Me being the stubborn person I am, decided I didn’t need to talk to them or try to work out any of my “issues”. Instead I turned to cutting…figuring a physical wound would justify the pain of the emotional ones.

The firs time I attempted suicide it was my wrists that I cut, then I attempted my neck and eventually gave up on the suicide attempts and just started cutting. Again with my wrists, my ankles, and any other place you couldn’t notice very well. Most of these attempts were when I was home, in the next room from family…after coming to my sense and realizing this wasn’t the answer I would just jump in the shower, try to wipe it all away and go on pretending life was just fine.

Now, I know people reading this are thinking a few things right now and some common thoughts to stories such as these are:
“This is stupid”, “ Why would anyone ever do such a thing”, “There is more to life than this”, “People who do this are dumb” etc…. Oh I’ve heard it all let me tell you. But from a person who has dealt with this, let me just say, its not as easy as you think. Yes, obviously there is more to life than this but when you are so depressed you don’t see those options. You don’t see those around you who love you and want to help you. You have tunnel vision. You think the world would be a better place with out you, but truth is…it won’t be. You are here for a reason, we all are. So instead of these comments, and if you know someone who is hurting in this way…help them. Reach out a hand and just love them. Don’t tell them they are wrong and stupid, Try LOVE and a bit of GRACE.

It has been almost six years since I have attempted anything or cut myself. Its been a long hard journey but a good one that has taught me a lot of things not just about myself but God.

I am not writing this for people to feel sorry for me or anything like that. I am good now, I’ve grown and realized that yes there is more out there and there’s a plan and a purpose for me being here. I have always been an open book…ask me a question and I’ll answer. But I do write this for people who are suffering, have suffered, or you have a friend or loved one in a situation like this…there is hope!! One resource is an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms Please take a few minutes to check them out! They are amazing in what they do and I wish that when I was dealing with this they were around.

The picture above is of my wrist with the areas of some of my scars highlighted in red.