Things pondered....

When I was in China (wow almost three years ago now, some days it seems like just yesterday I was there), I grew so much closer to God that I ever had, it was truly amazing. Granted at the time I wasn't that aware of it, but when I came home and ever since I've realized more and more the closeness that I shared with Him, and how I long to have that even more. I feel like moving to California was the next step in that direction. Where it was just the two of us. Me and Him. Having nothing...no family and not much of my "material" life with me, He is truly all I had. On those lonely days and tear filled nights, it was Him who I had to turn to and be comforted by. Trust me, its not always easy.

During that time I also started to pray for my husband...who ever he may be. I don't know why I had such a strong desire to start praying for him, but I have been ever since. I wonder so many times who he is and what is he like? I wonder what he is dealing with in his life, where he is and where he comes from. I know that God has a truly amazing man for me, and right now its all about being patient and waiting on God's time and obviously not my own. I find myself writing him letters every now and then. Letters that some days have no particular meaning, and others are on major things that have happened in my life. I'm just so curious about him...Is he a man of God? Does he have a heart for missions? Does he have a heart for China? Will he make me laugh more than he makes me cry? There are a million questions I would love to know the answers to, but again in God's time, not mine. I would love to someday do a missions trip with my husband to China. Actually I would love to just be able to have someone to travel with!

I have been very fortunate however to meet some truly amazing men of God, and to have them in my life as friends is a blessing and means more than I'm sure all the of them will ever know. Its been a great learning experience for me, sometimes a hard learning experience but never the less a good one. God is truly amazing.

I'm excited to see what God has planned for me next. Life has become more of an adventure to me now. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I can't wait to find out.

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When I went home for Christmas this year it was so hard for me. I was happy to see everyone, but I feel like I've changed so much over the past 8 months and I go back and I feel like everyone else is still the same. Then I feel like jerk, like I'm judging them, when I'm really not meaning too, but I just see the change that God has done in me and I go back and its the same as when I left. Maybe I should have expectations for others. I don't know. I love my family and friends and I miss them a ton, but in all honesty I don't ever see myself moving back there. I think I've become a much better person away from there, that when I go back I slide right back into my old self. I don't like it. About two days into my trip back East, I was ready to head back West. I feel like I had such a hard time connecting and interacting with people that I have spent that last six years or so of my life with. Conversations were quick and superficial for the most part...what is this all about? There still was not many good deep talks, not much about God, not much more than surface gossip. It frustrates me so much. There are still a few people back East that I can have these conversations with but the numbers are getting smaller and smaller.

I don't feel like MA is home anymore and I'm not completely sure if California is either, it's such a weird feeling. I don't think that I will be here in CA for the rest of my life. I don't see my self settling down and having a family here (its way to much money), but I don't know where that place will be. Guess its just part of the adventure.

I know change is a hard thing, but this one just hurts. Its sad to see people you love still in the same places when you have seen so much more, and the possibilities that are out there. Sometimes its just heart breaking. You want to help, but how? You don't want people to think you are judging them, so I guess all I can do is pray...

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So this weekend should be a good one. Tomorrow is Sara's first baby shower! Ohhh the other night I got to feel Jed moving around. That has got to be one of the coolest/weirdest things ever!! I'm happy I got to witness it. Hopefully everything will turn out well tomorrow, I guess there are about 30 people coming so that's a good start.

Sunday....Super Bowl Sunday!!!!! To bad that Pat's aren't in it again this year, but I guess we can't be greedy, I mean come on now, 3 in 4 years, that's pretty stinkin good if you ask me. I guess we should give someone else a shot. Hopefully I'll get to watch it this year...so sad, can't watch it at Marc and Sue's house with everyone! That kind of stinks. What really weird is that out here on the West coast it starts at 3:00 in the afternoon!! I'm so used to the 6:00 start time and getting out of there so stinkin late. Not this year, its all in the afternoon, except it probably won't be over before Sunday Night service starts, so that part kind of stinks. I guess I'll have to hear who wins after the fact...and its not like my teams playing so.

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Well I guess thats it for now...