Jenny

New Jersey and New York City

2009-07-28T12:40:00.001-07:00

So you are probably wondering who the guy in the picture is...well its Bryan.

Bryan and I met five years ago at Becker College. We've stayed in touch since I've moved out here and after four years I finally got to see him again! Best week ever I must say. Got to go to Asbury Lanes, NY City, MoMA, Risotteria Restaurant, Laugh so hard, and so much more. What else can I say besides, he's amazing and I'm happy.

More pictures are on my flicker page at: New Jersey and little bit of NYC and MoMA

Now if only the next four months would pass by quickly I would be even happier.

Florida

2008-10-29T07:09:00.000-07:00

Back in August Sara told me that her and Jed were going to visit my mom in Florida and I thought it would be cool to surprise her by going myself...so I did. Sara and I had this all planned out for two months. She and Jed were going to fly in earlier, then take my mom to Orlando for some fun at Sea World and I was going to fly in when they were there to surprise her and did we ever! I think she cried for about an hour after I walked in the door. I hadn't seen my mom in almost two years. It was a great week with the three of them. We even got to have a mini family reunion with one of my Aunts (Lisa and her family) and my Uncle (Mark and his family) who both live in Florida too.

You can check out photos on my Flickr page. Don't forget to check out Jed's videos!!

Ha Ha Ha

2008-08-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I wrote about this before but sorry if I have.

On my way back from visiting Sara, Jay and Jed over Christmas, I got suck in Germany for two days. I guess around here there was a crazy storm going on and flights were getting canceled so I called from England to make sure mine was all set, they said it was. I took the bus from Sara and Jays at 4am for a two hour ride to the airport, I asked again and they said yes my flight was still on (they also told me I was allowed two carry ons...a carry on and personal item, they lied, i ended up throwing a bag away, sad sad moment). I FINALLY go threw security and checked AGAIN about my flight, actually I checked twice and a third time at the gate. According to everyone my flight from London to Germany was all set, and my flight from German to San Fran was also all set. They lied again. I landed in Germany only to find out that the night before my flight was canceled from there to San Fran! I ended up getting stuck in Germany for two days, with no luggage.

My flight the next day was canceled again. I ended up getting a later flight. I finally land in San Fran only to find out I still have no luggage. Normally I wouldn't of minded so much but I had brought back from Italy some fresh pressed olive oil, some pasta and dried mushrooms along with some beer from England. I called United every day for a week until they finally caved and gave me some miles and a travel certificate! I ended up getting my luggage about six days later with little damage.

They started with $150 in a travel certificate but that wasn't good enough for me and my 15 phone calls, so I ended up with $400 in travel certificates. I bought my ticket home for Christmas on Friday and only had to pay $129.00 out of pocket...thank you very much United.

New Blog

2008-06-26T19:55:00.001-07:00

No, I'm not getting rid of this blog (even though I haven't updated it since April), but I did create a new blog: Creative Cooking with recipes that I have adapted to be gluten free. So if you have a chance check it out. (Right now there is only one recipe on there, but I will be adding more!)

Enjoy

Happy 50th Birthday Dad

2008-04-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

Dad,

Happy 50th Birthday! I'm so happy that you didn't have a clue that I was coming for your birthday. I thought for sure my not being sad about missing your birthday was going to give it away. A few weeks ago I was looking at the post I wrote about two years ago for father's day and figured I would take some of those and write 50 memories or things I love about you and our relationship, so here it goes (not in any order):

1. "hola"
2. Fishing (on the Reel Lucky, Fly Fishing, and of course the Cape)
3. Flying to Nantucket for Lunch
4. Our hand shake for scratch tickets
5. My anatomy books
6. Fly tying classes (especially when I won, haha)
7. Tux (sniff sniff)
8. Vermont...our spot, Hogback Mountain, The Spiral Shop, Brattleboro, our sandwich place (which we still don't know the name of, but continue to call it "ours"), the army navy store, the barn with all the license plates
9. My Camera's (All of them)
10. My photography books
11. La Gloria Cubana Wavells
12. Fishing in the rain down at the Cape and almost getting blown in the water, best fishing day we had
13. Learning to fly fish (and all the reminder casting lessons after)
14. Christmas mornings.
15. Wine tastings: Our tour of the vineyard in P-Town..."So can anyone tell me....anyone?"
16. Encouragement in photography and life in general.
17. Doing laundry with the blue haired ladies
18. Getting books from you with notes of encouragement on the inside of them
19. Thursday night dates
20. Taking Photography Class with Ed (and we can't forget Fernando, but his friends call him Fred)
21. When I broke my back and had to wear the back brace (such a dork).
22. Sara laughing so hard she cries...and all we can do is laugh at her
23. Purgatory
24. Hot Dog Annie's, Coney Island, Super China buffet
25. Lobsters and Muscles
26. When you came to visit me in Cali!!
27. Trips to B&N
28. My pocket protector, microscope and dissection kit (man I was an odd child).
29. MONEY....don't give me any of that do goody good bulls*!t
30. Catching my first fish at the club and then my fist one deep sea fishing on the fly rod.
31. Being rocked to sleep in the rocking chair (especially when I had ear infections).
32. Your humor...nuf said
33. Digging for night crawlers in the golf course
34. Ben (Benny, cockroach)
35. Hanging turtles from the swing set and me experimenting with the turtles heart (it was beating in my hand and I thought if it was frozen then defrosted it would beat again...it didn't).
36. When you played Jesus in the Godspell that the Joy Church put on
37. "the box"
38. Birthday calls at 5:00 am
39. The best chocolate pecan pie ever
40. The year you helped me make all of my Christmas presents
41. Our first game at Fenway
42. The voice mail you left me when I moved to Cali saying how proud you were of me for doing what I'm doing(that I had saved up until my phone busted)
43. The look on every one's face the night you said I was adopted and we laughed at it
44. The CHUCKY poster!!! (I still can't look at that thing)
45. Getting flowers from you at my office on my birthday
46. "Benny and Longbow" written for at least the next 30 years on the Cape Cod Boardwalk!
47. Our daily phone calls
48. Loaf of Italian Bread, kalamata olives, Vermont cheese and a glass of wine = one great meal.
49. When you busted out on how old Moses really was when he died and told me I should read my bible more
50. That you love me for me, you encourage me to be me.

This list could go on for a really long time but I figured 50 was appropriate. I love you dad. I'm extremely happy that I could be here with you for your birthday this year. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and you enjoy yourself. Sorry Sara couldn't be here too!

Thanks for all the good memories and even the hard times that have made us who we are and made our relationship what it is today. I wouldn't change anything.

Love,
Benny

Dancing the night away

2008-04-12T21:44:00.001-07:00

Last night Victoria and I headed up to the City (aka San Fran) to see Adam Freeland at Mighty

Here are a few pictures from our little adventure!! Sadly we rocked it old school with a disposable film camera (haha) and ran out of pictures by the time we got on stage and got to meet him...

(Adam Freeland)

(best not to ask)

(me having some fun)

(Adam rockin it)

(Victoria waiting for Adam to start)

For a few more picks go to my flickr page

Charity: Water

2008-04-09T13:05:00.000-07:00

If you know me well, you know how much I love this organization. Please take a minute to check out this video and also their website at: www.charityis.org

Augustana

2008-03-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

I always complain about the lack of music (ok, good live music) in this area. You either have to drive to Santa Cruz, San Jose or San Francisco to hear anyone half way decent. All of which aren't too bad except when the people you really want to see are playing during the middle of the week (which happens ALL the time). So when Heather called me two weeks ago at work and said that some radio station around here was giving a way tickets to see Augustana at some secret show, of course I went right to that website to see how to get these tickets. I sent them an email...about a week later I heard back saying I got two free passes and I'll be on the "guest list", ha. Mind you the place they are doing this secret show is at Doc Rickett's some place down town that I would never step foot in due to the high volume of country music played and very interesting crowds. Just not my type of place. Seeing as Augustana was going to be there, how could I resist?

So come last Wednesday night we go, get in line (oh wait there wasn't a line!!), get my name checked off the guest list with my plus one (heather) go inside and have a seat. The crowd is ummm lets say not what I would of ever expected. Lots of people who didn't know who these guys were, a bit older (no offense to anyone reading this but I'm sure you are all wondering who the heck Augustana is anyway). At one point I really wanted to go up and apologize for the lack of people there. The radio station didn't do the best job with reaching their target audience thats for sure. And Dan and Chris are probably thinking how sucky Monterey is. People are sitting around whispering if the two skinny guys in tight jeans that look like rock stars (oh you know the type I'm talking about), are part of the bad...obviously they are. So I go up, introduce myself and say I'm a photographer, mind if I take some pics during the show, they are all cool about it. The set was a bit short but I'll take what I can ged, and it was ALL acoustic! Ahhhh. And yes they played "Boston"

Here are a few pictures from the night!

Over all awesome set and wicked cool guys.

To hear them check this out:

Scream

2008-03-13T21:18:00.000-07:00

This is what I want to do...just scream. Doubt it would change much but seems like it would feel sooo good.

Passing

2008-03-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

(Jed his great-great-grandfather at Grampa Cormier's Mass, December 2006)

Marco Ricci, 92, of 7 Lincoln Street and formerly of Leicester, Brookfield and Worcester, died Friday, Feb. 29, in the Meadows of Leicester, surrounded by his loving family, after an illness.

His wife of 54 years Irene P. (Hebert) Ricci died in 1998. He leaves a daughter, Therese M. Sauro with whom he lived; a son, Francis H. Cormier of Leicester; a daughter, Pauline R. Merhib of Leicester; 20 grandchildren, 50 great-grandchildren, 4 great-great-grandchildren and 2 nephews. He is pre-deceased by brothers Guido and Armando Ricci and a son, Raymond A. Cormier.

These Walls That Surround Me

2008-02-26T07:20:00.000-08:00

Walls are built for protection. Protection against many things such as the elements or people. I built walls (not literally) as protection. Some who know me well would say the wall I have built is about the size of the Great Wall. Nothing to be proud of by the way.

I've been hurt, we all have and we all deal with it in different ways. Mine methods would be the walls I've built, letting very few people in the secret door and even more common sarcasm. Some say if you are from the East Coast, you are born with it.

So I've been thinking about this a lot lately, my way of dealing with things, and I think it hit me a little harder when I posted the "Tour Bus For One" blog. I'm not sad or anything, actually while writing this I'm in a pretty good mood.

The Wall:

I let few people in, very few actually. Why? Fear. There are plenty of people that I will let in to an extent and be social and have a somewhat superficial relationship, but when it comes down to getting to really know me, knowing those things that make me tick or even smile...that is where the few people come in. I hide behind my camera, books, movies and music. Some (ok including myself) would say I'm anti-social, a loner, better off alone etc and to some extent they are true. I enjoy my time, I don't like crowds of people, I do enjoy going out but don't mind being a home-body at all.

For those who are close to me I will open up, share whats actually going on with me, the good and the bad. With them the fear of rejection and humiliation is a lot less than with others. These people I know will not turn their backs, will accept me as I am. To me these people are hard to come by. Maybe its because I don't trust people much, that I don't get to see the potential of them, but again its fear that holds me back. I will bend over backwards for these people and give the shirt off my back if needed, and in doing so not expect anything in return. I value these people so much and have learned a lot from them and our relationships.

I love to give things (not always have the means to do it but I enjoy it). I've learned over the years that people will fail you (I will fail you and you will fail me, its reality), so I do my best not to expect anything in return.

Sarcasm:

I use this way to much. It keeps people at a safe distance. I figure if I keep them at that distance (what ever it may be), there is less of a chance for me to get hurt. The hard part is how to not be so sarcastic...

Recently a friend asked me some questions and of course I can spit out any sarcastic smart ass answer and come up with a huge list for you, but when it boiled down to giving an honest answer...I couldn't bring myself to do it. (And sadly this person is one who knows me well and I've let in but obviously not all the way). Why did I hold back (AGAIN)? Probably because this question was leading to a place where even fewer get let in...a place where I am extremely vulnerable. Part of me just wanted to bust out the truth with these answers but was so afraid of laughter on their end, I didn't do it.

After this conversation a huge part of me wants to just throw the towel in, break down the walls and go out there and see what happens...hopefully I'll get there. I guess one day at a time, just keep chipping away. Seriously, whats the worst that can happen...I'll be disappointed? (to this person I've very thankful)

"Here's to living in the moment..." (jimmy eat world)

Stormy Skies

2008-02-23T18:41:00.000-08:00

I know I shouldn't complain because everyone back home is getting slammed with snow, but I'm starting to get sick of our rain. I guess this is the extent of our storms out here, which is kind of sad if you stop to think of it...no thunder, no lightning, just rain and some winds, but nothing compared to back home. Last year we did get a few small hail storms, but that was it. I have to admit I actually miss thunder, especially on a hot summer night when it shakes your whole house. For now I guess its just rain. I have to say though, there is one thing I look forward to during these so called storms...the amazing skies and clouds.

Last night Luke and I went up to the roof of his work to take some photos and above are two that I took. It was cold as heck but worth it in my opinion. The sky was breathtaking.

Not much going on around here, sorry for the lack of updates.

"Tour Bus Built For One"

2008-02-07T14:56:00.000-08:00

I saw this card last night, bought it and put it in a frame, sadly this speaks volumes about me...

"She wasn't much of a joiner. She hated groups, clubs, sororities, memberships, organizations, societies, gangs, crews, mobs, posses, crowds etc. She preferred to exist as a self-contained unit - a solo artist - on a tour bus built for one."

(Got to love hallmark)

LOVE

2008-02-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

The picture above may be a bit odd or even disturbing to some people, but please read on and I will explain.

I chose today to write about this for two reasons, I received an invite on Facebook to attend Love is the Movement (February 13) with an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms and because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. (suicide rates are at their highest during this time of year)

Many of you who will read this know the story or at lest some of it. Some of which you may try to forget and pretend it doesn’t exits and some of you may be learning of this for the first time. I on the other hand will never forget this and am daily reminded by the scars on my wrist (picture above). I won’t go into all the details because this could go on for a long time.

For years I suffered with depression, suicide and cutting issues. It started when I was pretty young and continued on until my early twenties. Most of my depression and rebellion was blamed on my parent’s divorce, moving around and all the stress that caused. I was sent to see school counselors, and others not in the school system. Me being the stubborn person I am, decided I didn’t need to talk to them or try to work out any of my “issues”. Instead I turned to cutting…figuring a physical wound would justify the pain of the emotional ones.

The firs time I attempted suicide it was my wrists that I cut, then I attempted my neck and eventually gave up on the suicide attempts and just started cutting. Again with my wrists, my ankles, and any other place you couldn’t notice very well. Most of these attempts were when I was home, in the next room from family…after coming to my sense and realizing this wasn’t the answer I would just jump in the shower, try to wipe it all away and go on pretending life was just fine.

Now, I know people reading this are thinking a few things right now and some common thoughts to stories such as these are:
“This is stupid”, “ Why would anyone ever do such a thing”, “There is more to life than this”, “People who do this are dumb” etc…. Oh I’ve heard it all let me tell you. But from a person who has dealt with this, let me just say, its not as easy as you think. Yes, obviously there is more to life than this but when you are so depressed you don’t see those options. You don’t see those around you who love you and want to help you. You have tunnel vision. You think the world would be a better place with out you, but truth is…it won’t be. You are here for a reason, we all are. So instead of these comments, and if you know someone who is hurting in this way…help them. Reach out a hand and just love them. Don’t tell them they are wrong and stupid, Try LOVE and a bit of GRACE.

It has been almost six years since I have attempted anything or cut myself. Its been a long hard journey but a good one that has taught me a lot of things not just about myself but God.

I am not writing this for people to feel sorry for me or anything like that. I am good now, I’ve grown and realized that yes there is more out there and there’s a plan and a purpose for me being here. I have always been an open book…ask me a question and I’ll answer. But I do write this for people who are suffering, have suffered, or you have a friend or loved one in a situation like this…there is hope!! One resource is an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms Please take a few minutes to check them out! They are amazing in what they do and I wish that when I was dealing with this they were around.

The picture above is of my wrist with the areas of some of my scars highlighted in red.

Published on Shmap

2008-02-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

Check it out....I've officially been published on a website called Shmap!

A photo I took of Faneuil Hall (Boston) a few winters ago was picked for consideration and I got an e-mail today saying it was published. For the direct link to the section my photo was published on click here

I saw dead people

2008-01-27T15:23:00.000-08:00

You could say growing up (well even now) I'm not your typical girly-girl. My favorite and most memorable presents from when I was little were the following:
dissection kits, microscopes, the human anatomy coloring book, models of the human body (think car models little boys would but together but of the body), anatomy pop-up books etc. (some of these I still have).

On top of the awesome presents some of my favorite memories are: after turtle hunting (ha, I can only image the thoughts running threw peoples minds right now) I had the heart in my hand which was still beating, and wondered if I froze it then defrosted it would it still beat...it didn't and I was crushed. Another is salting the skin of a black bear my dad had shot on a hunting trip. (This bear is still part of the family). Skinning muskrats in our basement. And of course cutting anything open that I could find...especially worms and fish. I can't forget seeing Gross Anatomy for the first time.

So yesterday Victoria and I went to see Body Worlds in San Jose. I was in my glory, a kid in a candy shop you could say. I don't even know if words can explain my excitement of seeing real dead bodies in front of me cut open and on display. I got to see embryos at all different states (this blew my mind). At eight weeks you can see their little fingers and toes. I saw a woman who was pregnant with her stomach opened so you could see the fetus. Loved the organs separated from the body. One of the first things we saw was a full skeletal system and right next to it was the was the muscles to the same skeleton! It's truly amazing what they can pull off. I could go on forever but don't want to give to much away in case you all go and see it at some point. Two sad parts...couldn't take pictures and couldn't touch anything. It was amazing.

I walked out of there and thought, why the heck did I screw off so badly back in school and not pursue my dream of working in the medical field??

In May it will be down in L.A. for a few months...I plan to go again :)

If you get a chance check out the website here

I got a fish!!

2008-01-13T11:41:00.000-08:00

I really would of liked to get myself a cat but for now that is out of the question...sooo I got myself a crowned tail beta fish instead. his name is Aslan (go figure, ha).

A trip in pictures

2008-01-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

For now I will say that the trip was amazing! (will write more later).

I've been working on getting photos up on my Flickr site. When you have a chance stop by and check them out...there are plenty more to come so keep checking back.

Update

2007-12-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

Click here for an update on the accident we saw the other day. I forgot to mention that we were the second car on the scene and did the best we could to help out. After the first rescue/fire truck showed we turned around and left. Jay has been checking online for any news and this is the first we have heard...2 days later. The past two nights have been a bit hard for sleeping for me, but I guess that is to be expected after what we saw.

On a much happier note time with the family is awesome! I can't even begin to explain the fun and joy of being around Jed. I'm sure it will just get better as my time here goes on, and its going to be so hard to leave.

We aren't doing much today, just packing and finishing up some planning for Italy. Stonehenge was closed today so no luck on that. Oh well, maybe next time? Its a very different approach to Christmas Eve than we are used to, with the huge family parties and what not, but its nice and relaxing. Tonight we get to play Santa's for Jed. Can't wait to see him open presents tomorrow morning. In the afternoon Sara and Jay's friends Bobby and Nicole will be coming over for dinner. Hopefully an early night and then off to the airport!

This will probably be the last post for now. Hope you all have a Merry Christmas.

The first few days

2007-12-23T04:37:00.000-08:00

The First Few Days in ENGLAND!!

Day One:
Flew out on Wednesday night from San Fran and didn't sleep at all for the 10.5 hours. I'm the person who never has a hard time sleeping on a plane (or any where). Lucky me had an 11 year old kicking my seat the whole time, who never slept either!

On Thursday I arrived in London around 7 a.m. stood for a good 45 minutes in the customs line and almost didn't get my passport stamped. Why you ask?? Oh because the nice man that I had gave me the hardest time about not having a street address for Sara and Jay (they have an APO so thats what I use). Then I didn't have their UK number only the US number. Soooo that was a nice 15 minutes trying to convince the guy that I was actually here to visit my sister.

By the time I get down to get my luggage it was just sitting on the ground...now you wouldn't see that in the US anymore, luggage just laying around. I tried to call Sara a few times to let her know I was here and the hard time I was having, but no answer. So I made my way to the central bus station and found out that my ticket was for the wrong place, or so they said. I asked a woman there where I get this bus to Cheltenham and she oh so kindly informed me that my ticket is for Victoria, not London...thats nice and dandy but where is Victoria??? So after several times of asking I was told to buy another ticket which I did. After getting in this nice long line, buying my ticket I found some more phones to call Sara and go figure they were out of order, so off to find some more phones. I found some, Sara answered and bottom line didn't have to buy another ticket but I did. I waited another two hours in the cold, got on my bus and slept for two hours!!

Arrived in Cheltenham around 1:00 in the afternoon, was picked up by Sara and Jed. We hung out for a bit till Jay got home, had an awesome dinner and then went out for a bit that night to meet some of their friends from Church.

Day Two:

Sara and I hung out with Jed. We went for a walk down town and I got to go to one of their farmer's markets. Let me just say that it puts ours to shame. Amazing...lots of fresh veggies and cheese and meat and good stuff. Ohh yes the locally brewed beer :) Checked out a few more places downtown and then headed back to bake some cookies. Well, Sara baked and I wrapped the suitcase of presents :)

In the afternoon Sara's friend Nicole came over to train us (she's a personal trainer) for an hour or so. Then Sara, Jay Jed and I went out to ZiZi's...a wicked cool restaurant that is in an old church. Bobby and Nicole came over after that to watch National Lampoons Christmas!

Day Three:

We all got in the car and headed to Bourton-On-The-Water and Stow to do a little walking around and sight seeing. Both are really beautiful little villages. Had some fish and chips for lunch and walked around some more. Checked out some cool little shops too.

On the way home there was a van behind us with a young guy and girl and Sara was commenting on how he was driving like a jerk. He was driving really close behind us so she slowed down a bit so he could pass, which he didn't. He continued this for a little bit so she slowed again and eventually he passed. He also passed the person in front of us and sped up the hill.

As we came over the hill Sara slammed on her brakes and all we saw was two cars one on each side of the road and a mans arm on the ground (still attached to the body, but it was very visible). Sara rushes out of the car, as do Jay and I but we begged Sara to get back in. That was the last thing she needed to see, especially seeing as she was the one who noticed them acting like jerks on the road not even 5 minutes before hand. So she stayed back with Jed and Jay and I went to see what we could do.

The white van was on its side, windows smashed and the other car was small and black and seriously had NO front end left. Jay and I kicked pieces of the cars and glass to the side of the road. Sara and two blankets in the car and we brought them over to the people in the white van. Let me just say that seeing the accident was bad, and as many bloody movies that I watch and am completely fine with, its a whole other thing when you see it in real life right in front of you. I don't know if I will ever forget what I saw. The blood, glass and just everything was unbelievable. The man in the black car was fine for the most part, minus no front end left on his car, gas leaking everywhere. He had some lower back pain but could still feel and move his feet. He had a few cuts on his fingers and I gave him some hand wipes to take care of the blood. But honestly thank God for a seatbelt and airbags.

The guy in the black car said that he was just driving along and all of a sudden this van was coming at him and spinning, he didn't have enough time to pull off the road. I'll be honest, its hard to have compassion for people who are just flat out stupid when driving!! Sara just called the hospital because we couldn't find anything on the news or paper to see if everyone was ok, and it turns out that they are. The girl is in intensive care and they both made it threw the night. The other man was fine too.

Needless to say its been an adventure so far!

Today is Jay's 26th Birthday! We went out for breakfast (some nice scones, with butter jam and tea) Then back here to make his birthday dinner (well start it anyway...Sara's award winning chili) and cake (well chocolate nut pie, yumm). We are off in a little bit to see a Christmas Concert at their church then back here for dinner, gifts, pie and fun with Bobby and Nicole.

Tomorrow we are off to Stonehenge!!! Then its Christmas, time for some packing and on Wednesday we leave for Italy!

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I'll write more later (or when I get back) and will post pictures when I get home.

The Big 26

2007-12-04T12:11:00.001-08:00

So today at 9:41 am (est) I turned the big 26...nothing really big or amazing about turning 26, but hey.

Above are two pics of my birthday celebration from this past Saturday. I'm not much in to frilly things (as you all know) and obviously not very typical...so this year I got Stars and Skulls (can't really go wrong!!) My roomie printed a bunch of skulls out and put them all over our apartment with some pretty sweet blue and black stars. My cupcakes rocked...gray funfetti frosting with skulls stuck in them with start candles!

Heather, Victoria, Lisa, Luke, Jenell, Alicia, Eli, Devin, Dustin, Scott and I went out to eat then Topher met us back at my place for some cupcakes. It was a great birthday I must say.

However about a week before today it started to hit me really hard that my grandfather isn't around. This is the first of many years that I will no longer hear the story of when he came to visit me when I was born. I guess at the time he was living in NH and the day I was born there was a blizzard going on he always told me how he drove down to see me in the hospital that day and no matter how much snow there was it wouldn't of stopped him from coming to see me. So even as I write this I have tears in my eyes, it sucks. He is my first grandparent I have lost and its been almost a year which is hard to believe. There is so much that he will miss, its hard. I miss you gramp.

Point Lobos Adventures

2007-11-25T10:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday a few of us went for a hike around Point Lobos and had a little bit of fun playing with the sea creatures in the tide pools at Weston Beach.

Thanksgiving, Relaxing

2007-11-23T21:41:00.000-08:00

(I heart these two! ~ Lisa, me and Victoria on Thanksgiving)

A Happy belated Thanksgiving to everyone.

We all have a lot to be thankful for, I could go on for quite a while but for now I'll limit it:
Family, Friends, A job, Trials, People who challenge me to grow and step outside my little world, Love, Honesty (even when it hurts) and so much more.

This year I got to spend Thanksgiving with some awesome friends. I have spent Thanksgiving with friends for the past two years and so far each year has been different friends...its been good. I remember growing up and everyone going to my grandmothers house (as we did for many holidays). As we all got older we did it mostly with our families at home or with boyfriends families. Its very weird not having any family around to celebrate holidays with. But this year it was like being with my family. Lisa's mom came up can cooked this amazing huge meal for all of us. It was at Luke and Lisa's, her mom and Bart came up along with her sister and brother, of course Victoria was there and then Jason, Anneke and the kids all came so it was awesome. Lisa had the great idea of it being "Pretty Dress Day". Shes so fun. So all us girls got dressed up, which by the way brilliant idea when stuffing your face with turkey and good food...nice loose dress!! ahhh no having to unbutton any pants :) Way to go Lisa!

Its so nice to have a few days off and relax for a bit. I've needed some down time for a long time now. I got to sleep in the past two days and its been amazing! All my photos are done, nothing major coming up before I leave (photo wise that is, work is whole other story). Today was mostly relaxing, Victoria and I got up and went and had coffee and breakfast at the beach, then for some crazy reason decided to go to the mall to grab something. Ahhhhh way to many people, thats all I'll say. Then off to the butterfly farm! Lots of them, just not any pictures of them, ha.

Tomorrow some more sleeping in is on the to-do-list. Then some hiking at Point Lobos with Victoria and Topher (and aslan of course). Hopefully get some good shots from there, we'll see.

Only 26 (almost 25) more days!

Beautiful Disaster

2007-11-09T12:45:00.000-08:00

She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
The pictures that she sees make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfection.

She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen but tired

She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.

Cuz she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's ok.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,

And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home
And she just needs someone to take her home.

(Lyrics by Jon McLaughlin)

The Run Down

2007-11-08T14:19:00.000-08:00

Let me try to catch you all up of whats been happening in my world over the last month and whats coming up.

I got my new camera!! I LOVE it. I got the Nikon D80, and have named it! (oh yes, I figure if I name this and love it, it will be very good to me and not die). So its name is Alsan. He arrived just in time for lots of work...

I was asked to take family portraits by my friends mom. It had been a good ten years since they had family pictures taken. So of course I said. It was my first photos with my new camera! To check them out click here

For the third year in a row I was asked to photograph the Thomas Kinkade Master's Event for the Monterey and Carmel galleries. Three days of photography and about 1,000 shots! Now its editing them down, putting them in order, creating a dvd, adding music and finalizing everything before November 12th. Wish me luck!!!

Next up, a fund raising event for the Monterey Institute of International Studies. The event is tonight at the La Mirada Museum. I was asked to come and take photos from some c0-workers who fell in love with my photographs from the Philippines. At first I was kind of hesitant to respond to their request, because normally is family and close friends that are very excited about my work, not so much people I don't know that well. It was however very flattering to hear their very kind words and excitement about working with me. So that event is tonight, I'm excited and a bit nervous. I think I get like that before anything I do, because I don't want to let anyone down, especially if I'm hired by them.

Tomorrow I'm taking the day off!!!! A bit excited about that. I hope to sleep in a little, get some more time to work on the photos from the Kinkade event. However, I guess its not a full day off, well it is from the office, but I was asked again by my co-workers to come and photograph a Translation and Interpretation forum that will be happening on campus tomorrow afternoon in hopes to get some new photos for the website. So we'll see how those turn out also.

It is about five and a half weeks until I take off to see my sister! Seriously I wish I could explain my excitement of this trip in better ways, but I just don't know how. I finally get to see my sister, brother-in-law and nephew for two and a half weeks!!! The last time I spent even a week with them (actually it wasn't just with them) was last Christmas. Most of our time however was spent with family especially towards the end of my time back home, when my grandfather passed away. I don't think I have spent even a week with just them since they moved from Monterey to Maryland two years ago and I haven't spend this much time with Jed ever! Talk about a really sweet trip this is going to be. Not only to I get to see them, but I get to go to England and we all are obviously going to Italy together.

I've been missing having family around for a while, but in the past few months it has been really bad. I keep thinking of how awesome it would be to live closer to Sara, Jay and Jed someday (hopefully soon). And I pray that it happens. Who knows where they will end up next, but I'm hoping its where I will end up also. It's been harding just seeing my nephew grow up in pictures and video clips online. He's the only one I got (right now), and I wish I was able to see him more. Be able to watch him so they could go and have a date night. I would love to be able to help my sister out when she's sick or Jed's sick and she needs to get stuff done. So we'll see, but again, hopefully soon.

So my friend Topher sent me a message the other day asking what I was doing on December 2nd and if I wasn't doing anything, would I be interested in going on a 8 hour boat ride to take pictures of whales and creatures while being taught by professional photographers! Ummm, heck yes I would!! Boat, Pictures, Sea Creatures, Pictures, need I say any more?? We leave before the sun rises so we can catch that while we are out too!

My birthday is coming up. I crack myself up because every years I get sooooo excited about it for like three months in advance. When it starts to get closer, my excitement goes away. Mind you this lack of excitement has nothing to do with getting older, I could care less. I have no idea but I just am not very excited about it. I don't want anything huge or crazy, just dinner and something really low key and laid back. I'll be the big 26 this year.

I'm doing a bible study online with my sister and a bunch of girls (we are all spread across the U.S. so its pretty cool). We are doing the Beth Moore study on the Fruit of the Spirit. With everything else going on, I've been really behind on it, but trying to catch up. I'm enjoying it and getting kicked in the butt by a lot of it.

Lately I've just been having a hard time, if you see me regularly, you would notice. Hiding my emotions is not my strong suit. Its written all over my face. So Sara suggested I skip to the third video, she says I would relate a lot with it. And oh boy did I ever. Its all about Rejection. One thing that Beth touched on was with all relationships there is the risk of rejection. I can say with everything in me that is why I don't keep many friends. I don't have lasting relationships, and I can barely keep one with God some days. We've all experienced rejection and I'm not saying that I have more than anyone else, but I know for myself that my rejection is extremely deep rooted. It sucks. I have a hard time loving myself, loving others and letting anyone love me. They can say they do but I tend to doubt people. Stubbornness doesn't help much either. I got about halfway threw the video (in tears) and still need to finish the rest (probably need to watch it another 5 times to let it all sink in). I'm a work in progress.

When things go wrong, I try my hardest to run (China, California...where next?). I hate confrontation. I would much rather close my blinds, shut my door, curl up in a ball, sleep it off or look for the next place to go then to ask for help, a huge or open my bible. Knowing very well that its not going to work. When will I learn? I know what to do, but I feel stuck. Its within my grasp yet I don't even try, I just stare. Why? Again...I'm a work in progress

I'm sick of crying.

Untitled

2007-11-06T18:14:00.000-08:00

Dress down your pretty faith. Give me something real.
Leave out the thee and thou and speak to me now.
Speak to my pain and confusion.
Speak through my fears and my pride.
Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside.

I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most,
In a world of hurt and a world of anger I think I'm holding my own.
And I know that you said there is more to life.
And I know I am not satisfied.
But there are mornings I wake up and I'm just thankful to be alive.

I've known now, for quite a while, that I am not whole.
I've remembered the body and the mind,
But disected my soul.
Now something inside is awakening,
Like a dream I once had and forgot.
And it's something I'm scared of
And something I don't want to stop.

And I woke up this morning and realized that Jesus is not a portait.
Where stained glass windows or hymns or the tradition that surrounds us.
And I thought it would be hard to believe in
But it's not hard at all.
To believe I've sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.

And He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He's asking to take my place.
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real, and His sweet, and His real amazing grace.
And it's not just a sign or a sacrament.
It's not just a metaphor for love.
The blood is real and it's not just a sybol of your faith.

So leave out the thee and thou and speak now.
(Awakening, Lyrics by Sara Groves)

This song pretty much sums it up way better than I ever could.

I know I need to write an update, I promise to do that soon. I've been busy with lots of photo stuff, some of which is really exciting. I've been stressed and overwhelmed. In need of a day off or vacation. I need some rest and some sleep. I have a lot to get finished over the next week! Then just maybe I will get some rest.

New

2007-10-04T15:11:00.000-07:00

After a very tough decision I've finally decided to not fix the D70 and to instead put the money I would spend fixing that one to a new one. So I am planning to order the D80 soon.

I called the other day after I got the estimate on how much it would cost to fix the D70 and was told it could go up from there, they weren't sure exactly what was wrong with the camera and wouldn't fully know until they opened it up. I laid it all out: how old this one is, the cost to fix it, upgrading etc. I was planning to get a new one next year, so I thought I had plenty of time to save for it, and the D70 went crazy all of a sudden, but I'm going to bite the bullet and just upgrade.

I feel lost with out my camera. It has been a very rough week or so. Guess I will add the D70 to my "camera grave yard" (a.k.a. collection of cameras, theres a lot!)

Trigger

2007-09-29T09:54:00.001-07:00

Trigger had a photo shoot last night, thanks to Topher. Check out more photos at Tophers Flickr site. Thanks Toph.

New Pet

2007-09-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

Out on our porch there is a huge spider web. In that huge web lives my new pet...a black widow spider, which I named trigger. I would post a picture but oh ya thats right, I have no camera. If he is out tomorrow morning and there is enough light for me to take a picture with my cell phone, I will. But for now picture a nice friendly (ha ha) black widow spider with the hourglass on its back!

I also woke up this morning to one of the most beautiful sunrises I have seen since living here. The colors were priceless with the clouds and again no picture. I did try to take one with my cell phone, but that was pointless.

Oh No

2007-09-26T21:56:00.001-07:00

My camera is sick. Last night I tried to upload some photos I took this weekend at the beach and well it didn't go very well. I looked at them on my camera before uploading like usual, plugged it in and the rest is just a mystery to me. Some uploaded (but not well, kind of overlapping and color blocks) while others are just corrupted and no image is there...gone forever. I freaked out last night and wanted to call my dad but realized it was 3am his time so I should probably go to bed and call in the morning my time.

I told him what happened, went to the local camera store, was on the phone with Nikon at least six times today trying to figure out what is wrong, what to do and how much its going to cost me. I finally decided to send it back to Nikon in hopes that they can fix what ever is going on with my camera. I hear fixing it can cost $200 and up (I hope not much more than that). I have no idea how long this is going to take and if they can actually fix it so we'll just have to wait and see. However, I have an event at the end of October that I'm supposed to be photographing...ya a little hard to do with out a camera, but thanks to an awesome friend I can borrow his if needed.

If my camera can't be fixed I have no idea what I will do. Can't afford a new one thats for sure, and Italy is coming up...can't go to Italy with out a camera. But we'll see what Nikon says once they look at it. It should arrive there on Monday. I packaged it up (double boxed and wrapped in bubble wrap), insured for $1,000.00 and sent it off tonight. I feel kind of weird not having my camera. Its pretty much been by my side since I got it two and a half years ago. I don't like this. Was almost of the verge of tears all day over this.

Check out the examples from the last upload:
Nice little over lap there...
and we can't forget that great huge color block
Not that these are the best pictures ever but, it this was to happen after say the event I supposed to be doing, I would be screwed. I could see them perfectly fine one my camera before I uploaded and then everything went wrong.

A sad sad day.

3 Months

2007-09-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

Let the count down officially begin.
Only three more months until I fly to England and three months from tomorrow I get to see and hug my sister (Jay and Jedd too).
Our little family reunion is just around the corner.
Italy is that much closer.
I still can't believe we are actually going.
Very excited to be doing this trip with Sara, Jay and Jed.
If I could add one additional person it would be Dianne.

As stressful as it is when I look at how much this trip is really going to cost and how easily I find myself getting overwhelmed with trying to save money, plan with them being so far away, its going to be worth every second. The time together, the places we'll see, the experiences, the memories, the getting lost in Venice, every little thing is worth it. This will be the longest I have seem my sister, Jay and Jed since before Jed was even born! A whole two and a half weeks together. Just starting to prepare for our future of living near each other. :)

Places we hope to see/do:
Venice
Florence
Rome
Traghetto or Vaporetto - Canal Gondola Ride
San Marcos Square
Michelangelo's David (Galleria Della'Accademia
Piazzale Michelangelo
Leaning Tower of Pisa
Vatican City
St. Peter's Square
Closseum
Sistine Chapel
Pantheon
Maybe even hear the Pope speak on New Years Day

Can't wait to see the beauty of this Country , eat the amazing food and take part in a little bit of the wine. Ohh and we can't forget the tiramisu (meig I will be sure to have a piece for you)

I need to start buying more chips for my camera, I plan to take as many photos as I possibly can!

Only three more months!

Tread Lightly...

2007-09-17T20:33:00.000-07:00

"... But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)

To go or not to go...

2007-09-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking of going back to school for a little while now. I had my performance review at work not to long ago, and the only real suggestion was for me to finish my degree. I had already been thinking of doing so before it was brought up but now I'm really thinking about it.

I have been doing some research on different options:
1. Look into Chapman University. They have classes one night a week each from 6-10 and could finish the reaming 3/4 of my degree there...but when the financial breakdown comes up...that doesn't look like the best option. I will be attending an info session there next Tuesday to better look at it.
2. Complete some more general education courses at MPC and either continue on to CSUMB or complete my degree online. I am planning to meet with an Admissions rep from MPC next month to see what else I can take and when. A less expensive option but way longer.
3. Do option two or start with online courses now. Expense wise...probably in the middle of options 1 and 2. The online program I am looking at is at U Mass.

UMass offers a BA in Liberal Arts (which is what I was working towards), but they have a focus in Woman's Studies:
"Women’s Studies Concentration
The Women’s Studies Concentration explores the history of women in societies throughout the world – providing students with an understanding of how social and cultural influences have shaped the lives and roles of women throughout history. For graduates, there is a growing demand in the workforce for experts on gender issues. In fact, women's studies specialists are increasingly being used as consultants in both the public and private sector. Graduates of this concentration receive all the benefits of a well-rounded liberal arts education, plus advanced knowledge of issues particularly affecting women in the workplace today."

The good thing about UMass online degrees, they are 100% fully accredited and you get a degree from the UMass that you are admitted to. For example, the one I am looking at would be UMass Lowell. That's pretty darn sweet if you ask me. I've always liked UMass...pretty sure I had a UMass hoodie when I was younger.

For now I am still doing research, hoping to have more of a plan and begin taking more classes come the new year. So many options, so much money. I have no idea how I am going to afford this, but we will see. Going back to school makes me a little nervous.

After working here at MIIS for almost two years now, I realized that after the first year I could start taking some classes. I was thinking about taking one next semester, but I found one I really wanted to take and it only happens in the Fall. So this weekend I am taking a work shop (Friday 6-9, Saturday 9-5 and Sunday 9-2) on Human Trafficking. The recommended reading for this course is the 240 page TIP report.

(this the 100th post on here, glad you all have enjoyed them)

It's almost here...

2007-09-12T08:31:00.000-07:00

Ok so this isn't the best picture, but yesterday I got my first pumpkin of the year! Fall/Autumn is my favorite time of year, no questions asked. To me the most beautiful time with all the leaves changing colors (mind you I don't see that out here but back East its amazing). The crunching leaves under your feet, the smell in the air. The joy of wearing sweaters with a scarf and gloves (something Adam always made fun of Meighan and I for). Good apple picking then going home to make some kick butt apple crisp. Pumpkin picking and carving. Sitting with apple cider in front of a fire. The colors, just everything. Ahhhh I just love it, and really really miss it, for the most part this is the time if year, if any that I get a little homesick.

Yesterday at the farmer's market I went to get some veggies and actually almost forgot to buy them because I was so excited to see pumpkins. I picked the most perfect, round little pumpkin I could see on the table! Also got a huge acorn squash, can't wait to cook that up with some butter, brown sugar and nutmeg! Yumm Yumm.

Happy Early Fall!

Finally

2007-09-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

Ok so I'm a dork, that we all know. But you know when you get those questions like..."If you have lunch with any person, alive or dead, who would it be?" I always draw a blank, there are way to many options for that one and I guess it would depend on what I wanted to talk about on any given day. My answer never changes for the question "If there was one band you would love to see who would it be?"...Jimmy Eat World!!! I have missed seeing them a total of five times for various reasons but, that string of bad luck is to come to and end of October 2! Thats right, I finally get to see Jimmy Eat World live!

Every so often I check the site to see if they are doing a US tour again and always fails, but for some reason today I went on again and looked...front page, there it is, the schedule for this falls US tour and they are coming to Santa Cruz and San Francisco! Obviously I'm wicked excited about this. And their new cd comes out October 16. Tickets have been bought...Happy (way) early birthday to me!

(www.jimmyeatworld.com)

2 Down...20 To Go

2007-08-20T19:25:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update. I took my second test tonight: Exodus and only got an 89 on it. I mean its not bad but I accidentally hit the the enter button and it submitted it with out me double checking my answers. Oh well. Only 20 more tests for this course!

Next week Victoria and I start our pilates class which is on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I can't wait.

Grace and Peace
~Jenny

5 Amazing Years...

2007-08-17T09:52:00.001-07:00

Happy Anniversary Sara and Jay!

Today has been five years that my awesome sister has married one of the best guys I have ever met in my life.

On August 17, 2002 I saw my sister walk down the aisle towards Jay to start what has become to me a great example of an awesome marriage. In every marriage there are ups and downs but with God truly being the center you see more of the good. They are truly an encouragement to me. I couldn't of asked for anyone better for my sister than Jay.

I will never forget the first time that Jay met my sister (for all of you who don't know, Jay and I were friends before he ever knew Sara). She was in a traveling drama ministry and they came to our Church for a performance. A little while later Jay asked how she was doing...he had only met her once and I'm pretty sure that is all he needed. I kept thinking, why does he care how Sara is doing and then it hit me!! She came back a few months later and we had some people over our apartment to hang out. He walked in and literally took her breath away...(so sweet).

They are the traveling couple for sure. A good chunk of their relationship was spent apart (especially hard when planning a wedding by the way). Jay was in Costa Rica, Egypt, California. Sara was in Romania for a bit. A year after they were married they moved to California, then two years later are in Maryland now they are living in England, oh where will these two end up next?? (hopefully closer to me?)

Two years ago today at 3:00 am I was woken up by a phone call. Before even answering it I knew I was going to become and Auntie!! Sure enough for their third wedding anniversary they were given the wonderful gift of becoming pregnant with Jed.

Here is to five amazing, adventurous years...can't wait to see whats to come! I love you and miss you tons. Thank you both for being so wonderful...

I heart you,
Jenny

(I stole that picture from you! haha)

Healing

2007-08-15T22:36:00.000-07:00

(Again playing some catch up for everyone in this post)

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul; and forget not all his benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases," (Psalm 103 1-3 NIV)

On my 19th birthday I was diagnosed with Cervical Dysplasia (HPV). There are several stages to this and is known as a precancerous condition. Since then I have had to go ever three to six months for tests and biopsies to check for cancerous cells. 90% of the time they would come back positive as to having the cancerous cells. I have been told since the age of 19 that future with children looked risky and some even said impossible. For me, that was fine. I was/am open 100% for adoption, but being that young you really don't want to hear those words. How do you explain to whom ever you date (if you think it might get serious enough) that Oh by the way I may not be able to have kids and I might develop cervical cancer...easily, you say it just like that. Well at least I did. You get nervous of ever having to have that conversation. You think who the heck is ever going to want to date me and once they hear that will they actually stick around??

On July 17 after an ER visit, more doctor visits and a bunch of not so much fun tests I got some amazing news...No more cancerous cells...No more of the HPV!! Completely in the clear. No signs of not being able to have children. I had to have the doctor repeat it about three times, I was shaking. Healing has taken place, amazingly and only one to thank for that...God. Seriously amazing. I won't have to have that conversation, ahhhh what a weight lifted from my shoulders. I might actually go out on a date, who would of thought

Below are some e-mails I sent out as prayer requests about all of this back in June and July of this year. They go in order of oldest to newest...

June 26, 2007:
Hello,

Just wanted to fill you in and ask for prayer over the next week. Saturday I was in an extreme amount of pain in my pelvic area. It hurt to sit, stand or lie down, however I put it off for a day and just popped a ton of Advil. It didn't get much better come Sunday so I called my doctor and she suggested I got to the hospital with my medical history. I went had a few exams, blood work, ultrasound, etc and they said there was some loose fluid near my right ovary in the ultrasound and it concluded that I had a functional cyst on my right ovary that burst and that was the source of all the pain. I need to follow up with my regular doctor near the end of this week for another exam and see what she has to say also. A functional cyst from my understanding doesn't seem to be extremely serious (doesn't lead to ovarian cancer), but never the less its a bit scary to deal with. I have an appointment Thursday morning with my regular doctor, and I'll let you know what happens then.

Thanks for praying. Jenny

June 28, 2007:
Hello I went to the doctors today, and no more answers for now. She had my results from the hospital faxed over and decided i needed more blood work (three tubes) and have to go back next week for another exam. Thanks for praying and I'll keep you posted. Jenny

July 5, 2007:
Hello, So another follow up, I went back to the doctors today and had another exam and got the results of my blood work from last week. The blood work came back normal. As for the exam, she said that she thinks it will come back abnormal and may need to go see another doctor with in the next week, week and a half. She will have the results of this weeks exam hopefully by the middle of next week and we will go from there. No solid answers yet, but please keep praying. My doctor and I talked today and the worst case scenario is that my pre-existing condition has become worse over the past two years and possible surgery in a not so distant future. As for now, more doctor visits, exams and biopsy's. Thanks for all the prayers. ~Jenny

July 17, 2007:
Hello, I just received a call from my doctors regarding my test results. For the past six or seven years I have been having some health problems (the detection of pre-cancerous cells). I have been told time and time again, that my chances of having children are very slight, and lately have been told that I might be having surgery in a not too distant future. Just wanted to say thank you all for your prayers during all this, and to let you know that my results came back completely negative on ALL my tests! There were NO signs of cancerous cells. I won't have having to go back for any biopsy's!! Thanks again! I'm shaking, I am so excited!!

~Jenny

Grace and Peace ~
Jenny

"For Nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37 NIV)

Back to School...well kind of

2007-08-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

So I decided to take an online bible course. The actual title is Survey of the Bible part 1 (Genesis - Song). I took my first test the other day (Genesis) and got 100!!

Please pray that I complete the course. Its online so its a go at your own pace type course, which is nice but can also be bad some times. Its a survey course so you are skimming the books during the lessons and gleaning the meanings and importance of each book. You are expect to read them more in depth out side of the lesson.

Oh Starry Night, Family Vacation, etc...

2007-08-13T20:04:00.000-07:00

This past weekend there was a meteor shower (if you didn't know that already). Topher, Victoria and I decided to go camping up at the Pinnacles on Saturday Night. When we got there we set up our site and headed off to the park for some hiking. Victoria really wanted to see the bats so we went to the caves and of course there were loud people in front of us, so there were no bats to be found. We ended up at a cool spot to take some photos and hung out there looking at the creatures, dragonflies and frogs for a while. At dusk the bats started to come out!!! Oh boy for someone like me who doesn't really like them it was a little weird at first but after a while with them flying over head and coming really really close at some point I got kind of used to it. We hung out for a bit longer and watched as the stars started to come out. Man what a beautiful scene. I forget how much I miss looking up and seeing the sky like that. You don't get that much out here.

We decided to hike back a little after 9 (so it was pretty darn dark), we had to walk back threw some caves which was an adventure! We saw a baby fox on the way back. Drove back to the camp ground, cooked dinner then headed out to an open spot to start taking some pictures. I saw a good number of shooting stars...didn't catch any with the camera but thats fine. After a while of trying to figure out how to actually capture the stars in general, we finally go there (as you can see by the photos above). I didn't get all that many photos (posted about 14 on my flickr site) because I feel asleep in the jeep!

We had fun, saw a bunch of creatures...deer, bats, frogs, fox, bunny, vultures, dragonflies etc. nice relaxing weekend and hope to do it again soon. I didn't realize how much I missed camping and doing out doors kind of things.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

July 20 - 29th Family Vacation to Monterey!

Dad, Sue and Biz came out for the week to see me! WoooHooo.

Really couldn't of asked for a better time. It was their first trip out here to visit and hopefully not their last. We did a lot in a week, I'll give you the break down:

Friday they arrived and took the scenic drive down from San Fran. We went out to eat on Fisherman's Wharf. Saturday was nice and relaxing, went for a walk down the beach and around town. Sunday again was a lot of relaxing (we all got a lot of reading done...I finished the last Harry Potter in a week!) and that night we had a cook out and Luke and Lisa's place so they could meet some of my friends (and Sara and Jay's Friends too). Monday I took them to First Awakenings for breakfast (Sara and Jay's suggestion), then off to the Aquarium to check out the fish and to Canary Row. Tuesday we ended up in Carmel for the afternoon, ate at an awesome little place and had a great bottle of wine with lunch, then headed off to Chateau Julien for our wine tasting (oh boy it was really good!!), then to Farmer's Market. Biz got her birthday present there, a Henna Tattoo. Dad really enjoyed the farmer's market. Wednesday was Point Lobos and Big Sur. Thursday Sue and I took Surfing Lessons...you just got to see the photos, they speak for themselves! What a great time, we plan to do it again (well at least I do). Friday we headed up to San Francisco for the weekend, just hung out and relaxed in our not so great "hotel" room. Saturday we went to Alcatraz! Awesome. Then wandered around San Fran. Sunday we all went home...sad when you think that after that I won't see them for at least a year seeing as I don't plan to go home for Christmas this year. Which leads us to my next update...
(check out more photos here)
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I'm bound for England and Italy!

My tickets have been bought. There is no turning back now. I'm off to England and Italy for two and a half weeks in December!!! I get to see my sister, brother in law and nephew for 2 1/2 weeks...that will be the longest I have seem them in over two years, how crazy. I miss them so much, and each day it gets harder to live this far away. Hopefully at some point we'll actually live near each other or at least on the same coast. My nephew is getting so big and all I get to see is photos (don't get me wrong, they are great, but its not him). I can't wait to just hug him and hang out with him. To top it off we will be in Italy together. A life long dream about to come true. We plan to spend Christmas and New Years in Italy! Oh my goodness.

Only a few more months!

Ok well for now I guess that is it. Should probably go and get some reading done.

Surfrider International Surfing Day - June 21, 2007

2007-06-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

Check out more photos from Carmel, CA at: http://www.flickr.com/gp/22456584@N00/46ysD8

Also check out Surfrider - www.surfrider.org for more info on them and all they do!

Invisible

2007-04-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

Every feel invisible? Even to those you are closest with?
Ever feel like if you were to just leave for a while no one would really notice?
Ever feel like you are just walking around with out really living?
Ever feel like you are living someone else's life?

We say we are friends and close but are we really? If I don't pick up the phone or send the e-mail will you remember to? Will you take the initiative at some point? At what point would you do that? Do you really want to know what is going on when you say "how are you? whats going on with you?". Do you want the truth or are you being superficial? What makes us friends and not just acquaintances?

Selfishness

2007-02-26T21:34:00.000-08:00

(most of you who know me know this side of me)

So this week I watched a movie called Paradise Now to sum it up quickly its a foreign film that is about suicide bombers. Something about that movie that hit me really hard and I couldn't figure out exactly what it was, but I think I know.

The whole act of what they do is so they can be in "Paradise", but someone in the movie asked "what about us who remain here", and they are right what about those people you leave behind. Now I'm not really talking about "suicide bombers", but suicide in general. What a selfish act. You take your life but never think twice about the ones you leave behind to clean up the mess. They are the ones that have to live with this every day of their lives. They have to pick up the pieces daily and start all over again. Why do they have to do this? Because you can't handle life, its to rough, nothing is working to your plan, no one loves you...oh the list I could make here. But life is never that bad, no break up is ever that bad, nothing is ever bad enough to take your own life and leave a mess for those you love and better yet for those who love you. You may think this is the easy way out, but its not.

Why can I say this with such conviction? Because I have been there, I struggled with suicidal thoughts (and actions for that matter), depression and cutting for many many years. Its been hard to overcome but its possible. The scars on my wrists will never let me forget, and will always be a reminder of where I have been, how far I have come and God's love. Love is possible. Rescue is possible. Ask for help. Seek God. Seek counsel. Seek wisdom.

When I was dealing with this I was younger, I was sent to talk with psychiatrists, put on some meds for depression, but honestly only one thing only got me threw all of this and that was God, for that I am forever grateful.

To help those who struggle or if you are struggling with this check out www.twloha.com (To Write Love On Her Arms). They are an amazing organization that help people with issues of depression, cutting and suicide. I wish there were resources like this when I was dealing with this.

I'm sorry to those I hurt in this selfishness of mine. Looking back I now realize the hurt and damage this could of caused if I continued down this path. I didn't realize then how selfish I really was.

Back from the Philippines! Update and Photos

2007-01-30T20:51:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Here is a recap of our trip to the Philippines. It has taken me so long to do this, because I’m having a hard time putting it into words. Expression through words isn’t my gift (that’s why I take pictures). This most likely will not be day-by-day, just in a random order as it comes to my mind. I’ll do my best to include as much as possible with out boring you, hope it makes a bit of sense…

It was amazing! A wonderful eye opening experience. Here we have the poor all around, but for some reason it so much more impacting in other countries (at least to me anyway). Here we have the means to get people off the streets, but it just doesn’t happen…there many don’t have any opportunity, yet their seems to be a peace and happiness that surround them. Some of these people may be poor to our standards but they are richer than I will ever be, that blows my mind.

I fell in love with it. The country, the beauty of my surroundings, the welcoming attitudes, people, the food and Mango shakes. I’ve had the opportunity to travel before, but never have I experienced and welcome like this. After only a few hours these people became like family that I haven’t seen in a while. There were no boundaries, just open arms and lots of love.

We traveled from San Francisco to Taipei to Manila stayed there for four days went to Dumaguete for two days then to Bacolod for a day. Each place is beautiful in its own ways. From city life to beach town. Most of our travel from place to place was by planes, but from Dumaguete to Bacolod it was by bus. A five and a half hour trip in a non air-conditioned bus. I actually preferred this to the ac. We had the windows down enjoying the scenes and smells (good and bad).

The Romans it talks about mutual encouragement, and that would sum up this purpose for this trip. We were there to do/help what ever it is that they needed, although I feel like I got more out of it than I gave. One of our first days in Manila we went with Pastor Lito (Pastor of CC Manila) and a few of the member of the church to paint the brick walls (back yard area) for the children at the DSW (Department of Social Welfare). These children are there due to abuse and neglect until they can locate other family members or adoptive parents to take them.

Before going we were told no pictures were allowed because many of these children have on going court cases. We got there, painted the back wall and left wall white and had so much extra we did all that walls we could. On the back wall some of the team members drew a Noah’s Ark theme , the rest of us scrubbed the ground to get the paint drippings off, played with the children and after the sketch was done we all pitched in to bring it color and life. Half of us left in the first van to head back to the church for lunch, but as we were getting ready to leave they asked us to come back and take a picture with the children! In only a matter of hours they trusted us. To walk back in and see the painting and the children’s faces as they came out was priceless.

We visited three churches: Calvary Chapel Manila, Calvary Chapel Dumaguete and Calvary Chapel Bacolod (Calvary Chapel Children’s Home). All of them amazing in their own ways, and also very different. CCM is smaller, a narrow room with now windows, amazing people. As we sat their for their mid week service all the kids were in the back two rows singing their best during worship and I had tears in my eyes. I just stood there listening to them and thought (I know several others thought similar things), “I wonder if this is what heaven will sound like with all the voices echoing like this”. It was beautiful. We spent the most time at CC Manila and I just love those people so much (sure I’ve said that a few times already). I kept asking for the recipes for all the food they were cooking for us, so one night they decided to show us how to make of them. We learned to make turon, a desert that was amazing. I can’t even explain what it felt like to be there cooking with them. It reminded me of growing up, with my grandmother teaching me how to cook. It was great and I’m sure something I will never forget.

CC Dumaguete felt like we were back in the states. It was large, awesome people and the worship again was great. When you looked up there is a huge dove on the ceiling. We didn’t have a service at CC Bacolod but it also is a Children’s Home and currently they have about 140 children. There is a school there also. These children are amazing. They all have chores and help one another, I didn’t see any signs of frustration or aggravation of having so many siblings, just pure love for one another. They put on a performance for us, it was awesome. They all had matching outfits (that they made!), sang and danced, it was great. Everyone of them were involved in one way or another.

In total we visited three "orphanages", all of them broke my heart in a different way. I do hope and pray to be able to adopt one day, I don't know from where, but being there just hit home really hard for me. The people that work there are amazing and have huge hearts. I could only hope for that.

We went to the American Cemetery in Manila one day. Talk about a breathtaking humbling experience. I will be the first to admit I know little to nothing about history, but I was in awe. To see all of those names and crosses blew me away. As we walked threw and looked at them all I noticed some familiar names…two that stuck out. Two of which may be on my mom’s side of the family, and both were from MA.

We stayed at New Tribes Missions in Manila (www.ntm.org) These people were wonderful to let us stay with them. I had a few opportunities to talk with them about their experiences so far and also to meet other missionaries that are stationed or have been stationed in the Philippines. Check out their site and what they are all about when you have a chance.

Seeing as we weren’t staying at the church we got picked up and dropped off by members of the church, but one day we got to ride in Jeepneys! Jeepneys are a main form of transportation in the Philippines. They were originally made from US military jeeps left over from World War II and are well known for their flamboyant decoration and crowded seating. They have also become a symbol of Philippine culture.

We were complete outsiders, definitely the minority, but I felt at home. Never really thought about being an outside much. I enjoyed getting to walk around and see life from out side of a moving car. I think every place we went I uttered the words “I could live here”.

The driving and traffic reminded me quite a bit of China. Very dysfunctional and unorganized yet organized at the same time.

In one day we saw metro Manila, the “Beverly Hills” section with Polo Clubs and all and then we saw where the “squatters” lived. Its amazing the difference and how just a turn at the next set of lights can bring you into a whole new world and way of life.

I met so many wonderful people, saw unforgettable things and learned a lot in a short time. I hope this and my photos gives you a bit of insight to my trip and experience. Again, its been hard to put it into words, but thank you all very much for your prayers, support and encouragement. I wasn’t ready to leave and I’m looking forward to going back in the future.

For more photos please visit: Philippines Photos

Blessings,
Jenny

Flights, Birthday, Christmas, Death, New Year...

2007-01-08T19:49:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened since my last post...I'll do my best to include it all.

In the last post I mentioned that my Grandfather had suffered from a heart attack and wasn't doing well. I flew home in November, because we thought we were going to lose him. He came around though. He was moving along (not at a fast speed, but slight improvements). I had a week to spend as much time with him as I could, just hanging out in the hospital. He couldn't move or even talk, but it didn't matter that much. The last time I saw him before heading home, I got a kiss and told him I would be back at Christmas, he kept saying no, he finally came around and said yes.

I flew home for Christmas and saw him on Christmas morning for a couple of hours. I told him that I would see him in two days, my dad and I would come back to visit him. To all of our surprise, the day after Christmas he was rushed back to the hospital from his rehab. All five of his daughters, his three oldest grandchildren (well four), and my father were at the hospital that night. He had the chance to say good bye to all of us and give us kisses one last time. Around 10:30 that night he went to be with Jesus. It was quick and peaceful, and a blessing. I wasn't prepared, but I know he is in a much better place, and I couldn't ask for anything better for him. I miss you...

I had a crazy flight home for Christmas. The guy next to me was unbelievable...to the point of almost having to land the plane and get him off. Spent the first day and nigh at Becky and Mikes (always a good time, but never long enough). Spent the day with Becky in Boston...our favorite thing to do! Got to go to Johnny Cupcakes! And of course hot pot in China Town! Yum Yum.

Got to spend time with my family (more than expected, but it was really good!). I even got a day to hang out with my dad. We fly to Nantucket for lunch and then hung out there and the cape for a few hours just taking photos. We even got to go to the Cape Cod Board Walk and see our board (see photo above)! I got to spend Christmas morning with my mom, which I haven't done in many years. I had a ton of time to spend with my sister, brother in law and my awesome newphew. No matter how much time I have it never seems like enough!

For my birthday I got a lot of cool things...dvd's, itunes gift cards, a turtle named Aslan (which still hasn't arrived!!) and best of all a photograph from one of my favorite photographers, Scott Harrison. Thanks to my awesome and wonderful sister (brother in law and newphew...of course). She gave me an envelope with some e-mails in it, I didn't even have to read the first line, all I saw was "Hello Scott," and I started to cry. Its amazing, She is amazing for thinking of this, and he is an amazing photographer and person for letting me have a print of his.

Couldn't of asked for a better birthday.

What did I do for New Year's Eve after a long emotion filled week home...I slept! Oh yes went to bed at 9:30 (I had to wake up at 5:00 to leave for the airport to head back West).

Now, I'm getting ready for my trip to the Philippines!! I leave on the 14th for 9 days. I'll be sure to post some stories/thoughts when I return along with photos.

Hope this sums everything up! For more photos check out my flickr site

A new magazine to check out: NEED Magazine

Broken Toe, Sick, Breathing Machine, Sliced Finger...

2006-10-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

Sooo in the past month I have broken a toe, came down with bronchitis, possibly asthma, been on a breathing machine, tons of meds, and sliced some fingers (pretty deep too).

I was home sick one day, and being the stubborn person that I am I decided not to rest, instead do stuff around the house. I picked up the vacuum and it slipped right out of my hand and landed on my toes. I broke my second toe! Yup, hurt like junk and was nice and nasty looking. I'll spare all of you and not post a picture of it.

I was home sick because back in September I got sick, with what I thought was just a cold. A week later it still wasn't going away so I went to the docs. She said I had bronchitis and put me on and inhaler, two antibiotics, and cough medicine with codeine. A week later it still wasn't going away so I went back (mind you during all of this I was still trying to go to work...that didn't go over well), she said its still bronchitis, possibly some allergy and also a good possibility of asthma. So she put me on some steroids along with a shot of them, still on the inhaler and also a breathing machine four times a day (I am now down to two times a day!!). I have been sick for a total of 4 and 1/2 weeks.

Last Sunday night I was cutting fruit and veggies for a cook out and earlier that day sharpened my knives...apparently a little to much because as I'm telling other people that the knives are really sharp I sliced my fingers twice. One of them was pretty deep! All I could do was laugh at my self.

___________________________________________________________

On Friday my Gramp had a heart attack while at the doctors office getting his pace maker checked out. He had surgery yesterday that lasted about 13 hours or so, and is heavily medicated so that his can rest. I don't have all the details, but its hard being so far away from my family during all of this. All I can do is cry and pray that he makes it through all of this.

I have been extremely fortunate with having all of my grand parents alive and well. This is all so new and hard.

Missions Trip to the Philippines!

2006-09-16T22:49:00.000-07:00

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8

Dear,

It’s hard to believe but this coming March will make it two years that I have been living in California! I am currently living in Monterey and working for the Monterey Institute of International Studies as an admissions officer. I have made so many wonderful friends here and have also been attending a great church - Calvary Chapel Monterey Bay (www.calvary.com).

The reason I am writing to you is because I have been presented with an opportunity this January through Calvary Chapel to go on a missions trip to the Philippines! A team of us will be leaving on January 15th and returning on January 23rd. Our time there will be spent doing the following:

~ We will be visiting the following churches: Calvary Chapel Manila, Calvary Chapel Dumaguete, and Calvary Chapel Bacolod.

~While visiting the mentioned churches will be assisting them in any way that we can within the church and in their community.

~During our visit to Calvary Chapel Bacolod we will also share a message of hope with the children and staff at a local orphanage.

I would like to first ask you to be in prayer with me. Below you will find a list detailing specifically what my team and I could use prayer for. I would appreciate it if you would think of me and the requests listed below often in the coming months as I prepare for this exciting trip.

Secondly I would like to ask you to consider supporting me financially. My final payment of $1,750 is due on November 12th, if you would like to do so you can make checks payable to C.C.M.B. (for tax purposes). Also please write the following on the memo line: Jenny Manseau – missions. Checks can be sent to:
Jenny Manseau
P.O. Box 463
Pacific Grove, CA. 93950

Thank you for all of your prayers and support. Upon my return I will post pictures and an update on my websites:

http://jsmanseau.blogspot.com/ and http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennyjene/

Blessings,
Jenny

Prayer Requests:

~The people that we will be ministering to in the Philippines, may receive the freeing and redeeming news of Jesus!

~To be used wherever God desires.

~The children that we will be visiting in the orphanages.

~Flexibility and willingness to do what is needed of us.

~Travel safety and health of team.

Thank you for your support and prayers!

New Camera

2006-09-11T23:24:00.000-07:00

Got a new camera last week...holga medium format with a few fun filters. Its been fun to mess around with it a little bit...check out a few photos at: my flickr site

Will be working on getting a new "real" website of my photography up soon.

Been pretty busy lately with work and just life in general. Will do a better update soon!

~Blessings
Jenny

Have you seen me lately? (year of life in review)

2006-08-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

I had my iPod on random the other day and "Have you seen me lately?" by the Counting Crows came one and that lyric struck hard. I've lived in California for a whole year now and as of this week I will have lived in Monterey for exactly one year. As I look back over the year I'm kind of amazing at how far I have come, not just distance across the country but in life in general.

In July of '05 I finally decided to apply to photography school...I needed a change of life. I requested the applications from the too schools I was most interested in, Brooks and Hallmark. I held on to them for a little bit, and figured there is no better time than now. In October I was accepted. Moved in with my dad and step-mom in November, then in April I packed my life in two suitcases and headed out west. I came out here blindly...never seeing the school, not place to live really but just went on faith.

At first glance, it seemed perfect. One of the best/well known photography schools in the country, living in southern California, what could be better? Well a lot. The program wasn't what I thought, I couldn't see myself going into that much debt for what I wanted to do in the long run, so after countless tears and re-assurance from my dad that I wasn't a failure, I packed up and moved to Monterey. Its awesome here, still have a great job, great friends, had a boyfriend...now I have a good friend, have an amazing church, and I'm still taking photos!

Before moving out here, life wasn't all that grand. I was bitter, angry, frustrated, depress...pretty much you name, thats what I was. I was like this for many years, some days were better than others and I could play it off like nothing was wrong. Inside all of this was eating me alive and I just couldn't take it. I don't hide my emotions well at all...they are written on my face for the world to see. Anytime something bad happened or I got hurt, I would hold a grudge as long as I possibly could, stubborn should be my middle name. I'm not very patient, I try but its a struggle. I didn't want to live or be like that any more. Forgiveness didn't come so easily to me...it still doesn't. I try so hard to play it off like I am fine and that I'm made of stone and nothing or nobody can hurt me...I'm only fooling myself. I've been hurt, some of which has been pretty bad and has taken a lot longer for me to deal with than others. I try to forgive, but its hard for me. Its a daily choice that I have to make and somedays, I don't feel like making it. I want to crawl under a rock and sleep it away...which doesn't help or change anything. I cry, but that doesn't do much either. I want to forgive, but I feel like its never enough to just be like "ok I forgive ______ for what they did". I still hurt. Why? Why is it easier for some people to forgive than others? I pray for strengh to get threw some days. I pray for wisdom and understanding. Somedays I just want a hug. I want to be "normal". I don't want to hurt. I don't want to put up walls. I wan't to be carefree. I'm not that same person I once was...God has done a lot in me...this I know. I'm not as angry or better. I'm not saying I am perfect and never have bad days, because trust me I do...but not as bad or as often as before. All I know is that my God is patient

So in the past year I:
Got accepted to photography school
Quit my job
Moved to California
Attended photography school
Took out a heck of a lot of money in loans
Dropped out of photography school
Moved to Monterey
Lived off my savings account for 4 months until, no lie, I had 2 cents to my name
Got a job that paid a lot more than my job back East and I'm pretty much doing the same thing
Learned to feel again
Allowed myself to be attracted to someone and actually date them
Had my heart broken
Remained friends with an ex (some days easier than others, but its possible)
Entered a photo contest (didn't win)
Mad some truly amazing friends
Became and Aunt! (to the most handsome little boy)
Photographed three weddings
Got my second tattoo
Watched as friends moved away (and preparing for more to move)
Went to Yosemite and took photos where Ansel Adams did!
Sold between 15-20 of my photographs
Grew closer to God
Been challenged and stretched

Things I'm working on:
Forgiving people and truly meaning it
Realizing I can't run from things
Trying to be patient and love no matter what
Learning to be me
Doing stuff for myself (instead of always putting others first)
Trusting others
Relying on others
Accepting who I am in Christ: that I am loved, forgiven, wonderfuly made, I am HIS, chosen
Let myself be vunerable
Being content

I'm sure there are more things to add to all of this, but its late...

Work in Progress

2006-08-05T16:15:00.000-07:00

©jsmanseau 2004

Life as an "adult" isn't all that its cracked up to be. You have more responsibilites (bills), priorities, harder decisions etc. I guess its reality...all part of growing up and can't really escape it, just have to roll with the punches and take each day as it comes. Try to see the good in every situation. When you fall down, get up, dust yourself off and move on. Pretty much guarnteed to make mistakes, so learn from them, try your best not to keep repeating them.

___________________________________________

Why am I a fool around you? I stutter. I get nervous. I have a loss of words. Or too many. I feel inadequate. I feel invisible. I can't approach you. I feel worthless. I am confused. I’ve messed up. I’m emotional. I’m embarrassed. I am fearful. I feel abandoned. I’m broken.

Yet, I am a fool for you. In love. Worthy in your eyes. Beautiful in your eyes. I am all you see. You long for me to approach you. To just talk. To draw near. To call on you. You are there. Made new. I’m forgiven. You have made me. I am restored. I am your desire. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You have never left. You are consistent.

Why do I have a hard time grasping these concepts?

Playing Catch Up

2006-07-27T21:12:00.000-07:00

Â© jenny s manseau 2006

So its been two weeks since my last post, I'll try to catch you up to speed...

I went to the doctor's onFridayy the 14 hoping to get some answers because I was still getting sick every time I ate something...here is my answer: a Parasite! (named Peter ~by my brother in law Jason and Pedro ~by Mondo). I got a parasite from eating some bad food (Chinese) and ended up getting to different meds to kill it. Not a huge fan of these meds. They smelt bad and tasted even worse. I had to take them twice a day for a week and have to be on this kind of strict diet for two weeks (only two more days). I felt like I was livign out side of my self on these meds, not a fun feeling.

Mondo graduate last Thursday. A day of mixed emotions: happy for him that he is done with school but sad to have to say good bye. He is the first of many to leave...hopefully it will get easier as time goes on, but it won't be the same here with out him. His family was in town for the graduation, it was awesome to meet the rest of them and be able to hang out and spend time with all of them. Such an awesome family! Thursday night was a little party at our house for him.

Saturday was the concert! The Subways, Head Automatica, Angels and Airwaves and Taking Back Sunday...ahhh where to begin on that.

The Subways were pretty good, but were on first so had the shortest set unfortunately. Head Automatica was up next...ya pretty much sucked. Angels and Airwaves (who we originally bought the tickets for, and were slightlydisappointedd once we heard theirCDd) ended up being pretty good...I liked them better live then I do theirCDd. The best set of the night...Taking Back Sunday! Great performance, sound, lighting...you name it, it was good. They played all the songs I wanted them to play and at the end did and acoustic version of "Divine Intervention"...it was great. Was getting kind of bored and was hoping that they would make up for it and they did...it was well worth the money spent on the tickets.

Now for the other aspects of the night:
We get there and our tickets have seating assignments on them, and then we are informed "oh there aren't any assigned seats, its first come first serve"....Sweet we thought...floor seats. So we go find a spot and sit around for a bit. I start to look around and think, "man I feel old"...at least I wasn't the only one feeling this way so we went and grabbed normal seats, which ended up being pretty good seats.

There were a lot of younger people there, like high school age kids, which is fine but let me just say if my daughter ever walked out of the house looking like some of these teenagers did I would ground her for life. At one point in the night I said "I feel over dressed" who would of ever thought....wow.

I apparently missed the memo on how to dress for the night:

MEMO
To: All girls/chicks trying to get a guys attention at a show or trying to get the band members attention
Re: What to wear to a concert and how to act for you to be noticed...

~You shortest mini skirt...even if you plan to crowd surf...what could be better than crowd surfing in a mini skirt?
~Your tightest t-shirt that rides way above your belly button...or better yet a bra will do
~A tank top that goes lower than low
~ Any combination of Red, White, Black, Stripes
~If you wear a white shirt/tank don't forget the colored bra
~Dresses with no backs to them
~Even if you don't have the body type for this, oh that is total fine just as long as YOU think you look good
~Please only sand up and try to dance to our music in thebeginningg of our songs
~While "dancing" please twirl your hair and look around to see if anyone is checking you out
~Even if you have no idea who we are and what we sing please come and keep the rest of the audience entertained between sets!

No much exaggerationn here....in all honesty!

Then the ride home...oh what an adventure. I hate the signs in California...there aren't many and if they are there they suck. Trying to find the highway again was just stupid...Dustin didn't want to stop and ask for directions (it goes against his man hood) so said i would go ask...instead he pulled up to some guy "his boy" and asked him. These are the directions we got: Turn around, go left about three miles and go west...sweet, but what sinkin ways is WEST??? We ended up find it and were now on the hunt for a Denny's. Found one a few exits down and pulled off only to find out buy a security guard (since when does Denny's have a security guard???) that they were closed until 4am for "cleaning". So we drive on some more and find another one with the crappiest service but what ever we got food, and that is pretty much all that mattered at that point. All in all it was a good night, good laughs.

So far this week not to much has happened...had my bible study on Monday night. I got an awesome shirt from my dad and stepmom yesterday in the mail...it has to be one of the funniest shirts I have ever seen! Its got a picture of these lobesters driving around in a car looking for a "Lobsta Bah" taking in a New England/Boston accent, and heres what the lobsta's are saying: "Pahk tha cah!", "Who Fahted?", "That's a Wicked Pissah", Irregahhless there's tha Ba", "I need some had licka", "I'm bangin-a-ueey" and the tag line is "Local Cuisine with a spicy accent"....I guess if you aren't from there you probably wouldn't get the humor in this shirt but it made me laugh really hard!! My little sister also sent me a rock with two turtles on it from her trip to Colorado! Shes so sweet.

Tomorrow is a pool party...wooohoo then on Saturday I have another wedding to photograph! Hope it all goes well

Hope you enjoy these stories...

"You are everything I want, 'cause you are everything I'm not" Taking Back Sunday

Sick of being Sick

2006-07-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

Â© jenny s manseau 2006

I'm sick of being sick. It's going on almost a week now that I have been sick like this. Last week had some nasty Chinese food (ahhh my favorite) and was up all night getting sick...figured it would pass but it hasn't yet and I'm going crazy. No matter what I eat doesn't settle well with me. Last time I felt like this was when I was in China and had foodpoisoningg...I can't wait for this to pass. I have a doctors appointment on Friday, so hopefully I'll get some answers out of it.

Off to bed

Desire of My Heart

2006-07-10T20:45:00.000-07:00

One of my hearts desire is to mix my photography and missions. Oh how I would love that someday. To go where ever I can take photos and share them with people back home, and maybe just maybe move, inspire or even help someone along the way. Well I might have that option soon enough...In January there is a missions trip to thePhilippiness that I would love to go on and am praying about. I hope I can go...

Yosemite!!

2006-07-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

Half Dome
Originally uploaded by JSM Photography.

Ahhhh what a vacation. No planning, just relaxing.

Left Friday after work, drove up to Groveland,CA where our "cabin near a lake" was at. Get there around 10:30 and there are these huge houses...we must be in the wrong part, these are no cabins. Well turns out we weren't, our cabin ended up being a three bedroom house!!! Talk about sweet, I had a king size bed all to my little self, so nice.

So Friday night as we are driving around this place looking for the house I had to pee so badly so Heather and I pulled over to the side of the rode and I went...hoping and praying the guys didn't turn around to come find where we were...thankfully they didn't. Next day we are driving out and not even two seconds from where we pulled over is a portapotty (how ever you spell those nasty things).

Saturday we hung around the house, went to the beach watched the boat parade...went back to the house and hung out some more. Played casino, of course Chris won!

Sunday...YOSEMITE! Beautiful. On the way up we were in a little bit of traffic so of course had to pee again...rand across the street and down the hill a bit, came back up and all the cars were moving right along...saw everyone else pulled over to the side so i ran up to them...think I might of gotten posion ivy or oak...which ever is on this coast.

Yosemite is amazing, minus all the people, traffic and crazy traffic guards who were text messaging instead of paying attention to traffic it was amazing. Pictures are posted at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennyjene. I think the highlight for me was just being there, taking pictures in the same place that Ansel Adams took many of his famous shots. Wow. Got to see Half Dome, Yosemite Falls, and had lunch at Vernal Falls.

Monday we headed back to the beach for the day, just kicked back and realxed...played more casino, Chris went home Monday night and the rest of us left on Tuesday.

Awesome, relaxing trip over all. Got to see different sides of people, wich is always fun and interesting!

Last night watched the fire works up at DLI and then came home to watch the Boston fire works on t.v...so sad I missed it this year but, what can you do.

Happy 4th of July!

2006-07-04T23:25:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July!
Originally uploaded by JSM Photography.

Happy 4th of July from Monterey...Doesn't really compare to Boston, but its what I've got!

Will post stuff about this weekend in Yosemite soon...

Bored

2006-06-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

I'm bored...not just today but in general. Fell like I'm not pushing or challenging myself enough. Bored with myself. Bored with my photos. I took photos this weekend at a wedding and I actually liked them (who would of ever though I would admit that). As I'm working on these and uploading them I'm thinking...man I wish I did more like this. I usually stick to flowers...they don't argue with me, I don't have to pose them. But I think I should try more, just need to build up the confidence. Need to try I guess and not worry about failure...who am I trying to impress anyway?

Went for a walk on the beach last night...nice and relaxing. Feet in the water, camera in hand. Took a few photos, nothing to wonderful. Realized yesterday that I live so close to the water, yet never go...will work on chaning this. Sat on the beach for a while then headed home to pack for this weekend.

Off to Yosemite this weekend...only a few more hours then we're off.

Week

2006-06-29T15:28:00.000-07:00

What a week it has been so far...
Friday night, the rehearsal dinner
Saturday, the wedding and about 800 photos. Beautiful wedding, tons of fun.
Sunday church...photo editing...church...sleep!
Monday- Tuesday, back to work...not much happening for the rest of the week.
Tuesday, had a small group of visitors from Korea come in and ask to take pictures, I thought they meant of them in the building, but they really wanted photos with me to show people back home! Oh it felt like I was back in China. Uploaded wedding photos. Had some good laughs this week.
Thursday, work again, money mission from wallet that I dropped on my way out the door Wednesday night!
Friday...hasn't come yet, but should be good...leaving for the weekend. Going up to Yosemite for the 4th!
My week in a nutshell

(wedding photos will be up soon on www.flickr.com/photos/jennyjene enjoy)

Belated Father's Day

2006-06-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was father's day, the second one not being able to see my dad. It's weird not being there with him and spending the day together, but it was easier than last year anyway. I only got to talk to him on the phone for a little bit because he didn't have good reception. I was thinking about him a lot yesterday and all the memories that we have...hope you laugh and smile as much as I did as I remembered these Dad...

~When you played Jesus in the Godspell that the Joy Church put on.
~The time that our crazy neighbor's friends came looking for drugs and were knocking on our bedroom window and you came in with your shot gun to scare them away.
~The fake targets in our yard.
~Hanging turtles from the swing set and me experimenting with the turtles heart (it was beating in my hand and I thought if it was frozen then defrosted it would beat again...it didn't).
~The club (three day shoots with the coon skin cap, fishing, swimming, shooting our jeans).
~Vermont...our spot, Hogback Mountain, The Spiral Shop, Brattleboro, our sandwich place (which we still don't know the name of, but continue to call it "ours"), the army navy store, the barn with all the license plates.
~Tattoo's for father's day.
~John Cougar Mellencamp concert.
~When I was in girl scouts and wanted to wear those shorts that Aunt Luann bought me and you and mom said no but I wore them under my skirt anyway and they showed in all the pictures.
~Digging for nightcrawlers in the golf course.
~ sandwich MA..."Benny and Longbow"
~The one bedroom apartment and having to get used to living together after many years.
~Loaf of Italian Bread, kalamata olives, Vermont cheese and a glass of wine = one great meal.
~"Catch ya in the am"
~When I opened up my graduation present...the first of many cameras (pretty sure you have bought just about all of them after that too!!)
~My graduation and dinner afterwards at The Happy Garden.
~Taking photography classes together.
~The look on everyone's face the night you said I was adopted and we laughed at it.
~Fernando: "My friends call me Fred"...need I say more?
~The horrible Christmas that you and Sara told me that Tux died...about 5 years ago!
~Your coat rack you used as a Christmas tree.
~"the box"
~Fly tying classes, and the night I won the raffle.
~The Reel Lucky.
~Returning from China.
~Being rocked to sleep in the rocking chair (especially when I had ear infections).
~Duck Hunt.
~When you bought me the stuffed animal that looked like Tux.
~Buying scratch tickets.
~ When you lived on the late and we would look for frogs.
~The CHUCKY poster!!!
~When we found the dead whale in Rhode Island.
~When you busted out on how old Moses really was when he died and told me I should read my bible more.
~When you told the teacher off at the parent/teacher meeting and everyone clapped for you...he never gave me trouble again.
~The year you helped me make all of my Christmas presents.
~My six foot James Dean.
~The box you made me (still has the picture of you from Montana in it)
~Learning how to fly fish.
~Catching my first fish at the club and then my fist one deep sea fishing on the fly rod.
~Birthday calls at 5:00 am
~Pecan Pie.
~MONEY....don't give me any of that do goody good bulls*!t
~Thursday night dinners.
~The Christmas we woke up and you were on the couch (my best Christmas yet)
~All the anatomy books and stuff you bought me.
~My pocket protector, microscope and dissection kit (man I was an odd child).
~Learning how to use a turkey call.
~"Hola"
~Trips to B&N
~Doing laundry with the blue haired ladies.
~Lobsters and Muscles.
~Taking photos.
~Purgatory.
~Sara laughing so hard she cries...and all we can do is laugh at her.
~When I broke my back and had to wear the back brace (such a dork).
~La Gloria Cubana Wavells.
~Getting books from you with notes of encouragement on the inside of them.
~Great Expectations.
~Encouragement in photography and life in general.
~Our tour of the vineyard in P-Town..."So can anyone tell me....anyone?"
~Getting flowers from you at my office on my birthday.
~Pass the pigs.
~Christmas mornings.
~Fishing in the rain down at the Cape and almost getting blown in the water, best fishing day we had.
~Hot Dog Annies, Coney Island, Super China buffet.
~Porsche 911 Turbo, black with a whale tail

This list could go on forever, and I know I'm missing some really good memories right now.

We've had so many good memories over the years but as we know life wasn't always grand...we had out bad days (months, years) too. I'm sorry dad, from the bottom of my heart and I'm not sure I have every really said that, but I am sorry for... the times I didn't want to talk to you, that I didn't want to see you, when I said I didn't like you, the times we would come home crying our eyes out and you would have to come back over and hug us. The time I called you up and was so mad about not spending time with you that I said "when you die am I going to have to have you cremated and carry you around so I can say I spent time with my dad?". How difficult I was back then. For believing all the lies. For not giving you a real chance. For holding anger and frustration for so long. The scars on my wrist will never let me forget these times, but serves as a reminder as to where we've come over the years and how faithful our God is.

I love you and miss you dad and no matter what, I will always be your little girl...Happy Father's Day.

Best Phone Call Of The Day!

2006-06-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

Ok so I get a lot of calls during the day...but this one should win some kind of prize:

"Hi I want to request information"

Ok, on which program?

"Ummm I guess the Translation program would be good...Do you offer Korean?"

Yes we do. Can I have your address?

So she gives me her address and all that info...now here is the best part:

Where did you do your undergraduate studies?

"Ummm, what do you mean?"

Where did you get your B.A. from? What College/University?

"Psychology"

No, what school did you attend?

"Humanities"

Um, what school did you study that at?

"I don't get what you mean"

Where have you spent the last four years studying Psychology and Humanities?

"Ohhhh, Um CSU Fullerton"

Ok, thank you. What year did you graduate or will graduate?

"Ohhh, ya I've graduated...let me think what year was that?"

Kind of along pause there...

"Oh ya that would be right now, 2006"

No joke...this was a real conversation today! Took everything inside of me not to laugh.

For My Love

2006-06-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

(kind of a continuation of yesterdays entry)

"For My Love" (Bethany Dillon)

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love

Girly

2006-06-04T21:57:00.000-07:00

Â© jenny s manseau 2006

Not to long ago someone made a comment to me along the lines of: underneath all of this..youu have a girly side to you. You know what...they are right, but why do I try so hard to hide that part of me? Obviously I'm a girl...that was the way that I was created to be, but for some reason I try to hide that "girly" side of me. Why? I've been thinking about this a lot lately...can you tell? This is what I've come up with:

That girly side of me is fragile, and I'm afraid to get hurt. That side is my deepest desires that only God knows of. My passions. My talents. My gifts. My thoughts. The person who is wanting to be rescued and brought out...but not by just any one. I don't want to just blurt all of that out for the world to see, to me its private.

On the outside I'm not this drop deadgorgeouss person. I don't wear a ton of make-up or nice clothes. I like my t-shirt, tank tops, jeans, chucks and flip flops. I'm pretty plain. I'm short. I wear glasses. I like to think of my self as down to earth. I like to be comfortable...but that doesn't mean that inside I'm not girly. I desire a husband, someone who will love me unconditionally. Who will pray with me. I love to be hugged. I want someone who will encourage me and for me to do that for them. I desire someone who will challenge me to grow deeper in God's word. Who will challenge me with my desires. Who will challenge me with my passion of photography.

What is thisdefinitionn of "girly" anyway?

The realistic side of me would love a small wedding, you know a few people in the wedding party, not a huge number of guests and just a fun party after it all...with a really good wedding photographer. Something realistic, that doesn't cost an arm and a leg for a few hours one day...that money could be spend on much better things. The "girly" side of me would love a fairy tale wedding...you know the prince charming, nice white dress, tons of people, great food, lots of fun. I guess it all depends on my husband some day and what we decide together.

I don' t know, I'm afraid to get caught up in the whole fairy tale side of being a girl...its just very unrealistic to me. Movies are just completely different that real life. Life just doesn't work like that...things get tough, people have to work for things. I just don't want to be one of those girls that thinks that some prince will come, rescue me and we will live happily ever after. Yes someday I'll meet an amazing man of God, we will get married, but marriage isn't a fix to all things, its tough. It needs to be worked on. When I get married...it will be until death does us part. Relationships of any kind take work, and if one or both aren't willing to put the effort in and actually work out any difficulties then something is wrong. It takes two. It takes work, effort, love and most of all God.

"She is worth far more than rubies" Proverbs 31:10b

Finally

2006-05-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

I finally did it!! I got my second one. I've been talking about it for a long time, maybe about six year or so and about three years ago when I was in China I was given this name: Jie Ni and decided then that this is what I wanted...and I finally went and did it last night, and I love it! So I'm already thinking of what I can do next, because I'm sure there will be one. The answer to the question you are all probably thinking...no it didn't really hurt, just kind of felt like a pinch.

Not to much going on in life right now. Same old I guess. Got a few weddings coming up, one that I'm taking pictures at. I'm going to be doing some family photos soon, and just sold another print today. Josh and Erika are engaged. Work is great still, so that's all good news.

Life is just really good right now. God is more amazing every day. It blows me away how much he loves me and some days I'll admit its hard for me to grasp that concept...especially with my past and just stupid things I've done, I have a God who loves me no matter what. An unconditional love that I don't deserve, wow. Its great to see the blessings that he gives me, even the smallest ones take my breath away and really make me stop and think and thank Him. Its awesome to see something good and beautiful come out of every situation.

Ok off to bed.

I wonder

2006-05-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

I wonder...

Do you ever think of me...as often or as little as I think of you?

Do you ever think of where I am...where I have been or where I will go?

Do you ever think of who I have become?

Do you ever think of all the good memories...or just the bad ones?

Do you ever think if I was ok?

Do you ever think of what our lives would of been like if we never met?

Do you ever think of the impact that you have had on me...good or bad?

Do you ever miss me?

When you looked at me, what did you see?

Jed.

2006-05-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

(©jenny s manseau 2006/Jedidiah David Sparks)

Spent a week in Maryland with Sara, Jay and Jed. So wonderful to finally meet my newphew. When I got there Dad, Sue and Biz were there...then when I was leaving I got to see my mom, who I haven't seen in almost a year and a half.

Nice relaxing week, just haning out and taking naps with the baby. Sara and Jay are both doing great, good to see them and spend some real quality time together. Miss them so much.

Went back to work this week, a bit crazy and stressful but finally the week is over. Just kicking back and relaxing this weekend. Went to Carmel last night to walk around, and Santa Cruz today. So awesome up there, reminds me of Vermont! Ohhh how I miss Vermont.

Photographs

2006-04-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

Chris, Carmel, CA copyright jenny s. manseau 2006

Surfer, Carmel, CA copyright jenny s manseau 2006

"The Pacific" Carmel, CA copyright jenny s. manseau 2006

Dex, Chris and Marcus Big Sure, CA copyright jenny s. manseau 2006

"Copper" Big Sur, CA copyright jenny s. manseau 2006

Lilies

2006-04-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Dad!!! ~love you!

(to view more photos visit: My Flickr Site)

Well only a few more days and I finally get to meet my nephew Jed! Words can't really express my excitement right now. I'm still getting used to the fact that my sister is a mom! It's hard not being closer during all of this, and realizing that he is going to grow up so far away. I think back to when we were little and all of our aunts and uncles lived relatively close by so we grew up with all of them. It was awesome. Just makes me sad to think I'll be missing most of his life except for maybe Christmas, hopefully some birthdays and a few vacations in between. Guess this is reality.

This trip should be nice and relaxing...just hanging out with Sara, Jay and Jed. I also get to see my Dad, step-mom, little sister and my mom all during the same week! Its like Christmas all over again. I'm looking forward to this vacation...I think I'm due.

With my visit coming up makes me think of how I wish I had someone to travel with. I usually think this around the time I'm about to get on a plane. Its not really fun to travel alone even if it is just across the country. How much better and more exciting would it be to have someone there to talk to? Someone that you actually know? I long for that. I also long for someday getting off that plane and having that guy there to pick me up...flowers or no flowers it would be nice. Someday I guess I'll have both.

Today is Dad's birthday...I'm pretty sure this is only the second one I have missed in my 24 years being on this earth. Its kind of weird. I sent him a print for his birthday...a white daisy with the black background. Sue bought him tickets to go see Roger Waters this September!! So excited for him and slightly jealous at the same time. He's going to be doing Dark Side of the Moon...in its entirety! Talk about an amazing show.

Planning on going to see Shawn McDonald, Paul Wright, Olivia the Band and someone else play next month! Going to be a great show.

This past weekend went to Big Sur with Heather, Chris, Marcus and Dex. I had such a great time. Marcus and Dex are hysterical! I took some photos but haven't put them up yet...I'll work on that soon.

Not too much else going on I guess. Was a bit bored tonight so I took pictures of some Lilies.

Off to bed

Its a Jimmy thing all over again...

2006-04-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

Work has been pretty stressful this past week. I've been working on doing our inventory over and trying to recreate everything. I had to input all last years info plus this years and its taking me a total of three days at this point! And who ever is reading this is probably bored out of their mind right about now...who really cares about excel spreadsheets??

Have been wicked excited about going to see Augustana. They are playing in San Francisco in June and I was going to buy tickets last week, but was told to wait a bit...and guess what they are sold out. Its a Jimmy Eat World thing all over again. I knew I should of just bought them. Oh well, what am I really going to do? Hope I don't end up missing them five times like I have Jimmy. That would really suck. At least there is still hope to get Dave Matthews or Boston Red Sox tickets! Not a very good day...was really bummed out by this.

My computer has been acting up a little bit...running a little slow so I figured I should start to delete some of the 5,219 photos I have on here. A longer and harder process than I thought it would be. I have this huge fear that I am going to delete something I really wanted or needed and have no way to get it back. So I have been working on creating back up disks of all the photos I think I might get some use out of and then just trashing the ones I know I will never do anything with...most of which I took while at school. I am currently down to 2,793!

Easter was awesome this year. First off Mondo's little brother Lee was in town and he is just awesome. It was like having the little brother I never had for a weekend. Mondo and Lee are so much alike its crazy. I was thinking of Sara and I and we really aren't that much alike (well I don't think so anyway). A bunch of us went out Friday night and saw Bench Warmers...pretty stinkin funny. Saturday Heather and I did some running around and got stuff to cook for the guys on Sunday. That night we all went out to Outback Steak House. I know, at a steak house you should get steak, but I ended up getting shrimp and king crab legs ~ soooo good! I basically just ate those and barely touched my shrimp. Sunday Heather and I cooked for the guys (Mondo, Lee, Chris, Nathan, Jason, Justin, Dustin and two other guys from DLI). Very untraditional Easter Dinner...tri-tip, ribs, salad, green beans with mushrooms, and potato casserole. Yum Yum. Wish Lee could of stayed longer, but we'll see him this summer when Mondo graduates.

Supposed to take photos for the Next Gen website this Sunday. Pray it goes well, a bit nervous.

I leave in a week from Sunday to go to Maryland to visit, Sara, Jason and Jed! I can't wait to finally see him and be able to hold him. I also get to see my Dad, step-mom, little sister and mom while I'm there! Should be a nice vacation.

So thats life in a nut shell...for the past week or so.

Why...

2006-04-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
~Eleanor Roosevelt

This week, week and a half has been a bit rough. Just dealing with some stuff internally and just run down feeling. Ever have those days when you feel like you have become one of those people that you dislike or that you have become the worst version of yourself? No matter what you do or say you feel like a failure?

There are so many things I've done and continue to do that I'm not proud of. I judge myself so much more than anyone else will ever judge me. I am my own worst critic. I try to stop it but it gets the best of me, this feeling of worthlessness. I feel broken. I know I've been forgiven, but why can I not forgive myself? Why? I know there is One that can take that away...its God, but why is He always my last resort? Why am I so stubborn to say that "I need you?". How have I become this prideful, to think I can handle all things on my own...the small and the big, when knowing deep down inside I can't, and if I attempt it I will fail, yet again? When will I ever learn? I know I'm not perfect and I never will be. Why do I feel the need to take matters into my own hands instead of just releasing them for one final time and not pick them up again? Why do I hang on to so much anger and hurt? Its not doing me any good, never has and I'm pretty sure it never will. I know I have come such a long way from where I was before, but somedays its so hard for me to see that and truly realize it.

Somedays I just want to scream and cry...just let it all out.

I'm pretty sure no one really reads this anymore, and I'm not actually looking for answers, just letting out some thoughts I guess.

Jedidiah David Sparks

2006-04-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

IMG_7288
Originally uploaded by jsjsparks.

I'm an Auntie! Jed was born on April 4th, 2006 at 4:34 pm. 6lb 14oz and 20 inches long!

He's beautiful, heathly and has amazing parents! I can't wait to fly out to meet him in a few weeks.

Beautiful...

2006-04-03T19:21:00.000-07:00



I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful 
Make you stand in awe 
Look inside my heart, 
and be amazed 
I want to hear you say 
Who I am is quite enough 
Just want to be worthy of love 
And beautiful 

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Beautiful - Bethan Dillon

Very Sad Day

2006-03-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

Just found out that Adam Vinatieri left the patriots and signed on with the Colts! On top of that they also lost Willie McGinest and David Givens. They are turning in to the Red Sox with all the good players leaving, guess we'll see what happens during the season.

2006-02-20T21:47:00.000-08:00

Originally uploaded by Jenny Jen-e.

Lost

2006-02-20T21:06:00.000-08:00

"I'd love to be the shoulder that you cry on...I'd love to be the friend you call when things aren't great..." (The Closest Thing~The Juliana Theory)

Not to much going on right now. Working on getting back into taking pictures still. Its actually a longer harder process that I expected. I find myself holding back and analyzing everything instead of just shooting what catches my eye. I keep telling myself that I'm not doing this to impress anyone anymore and to fit into their opinions or ideas of what my work and style should be. I just feel like I lost part of me and I'm trying to find it again. I don't know why I'm holding back so much...its not like I'm using film, its digital, so I can easly burn through several hundred shots and just delet them, but getting to the point of holding down the button all the way is hard.

I downloaded the last episode of The Office...so stink funny!

Well I'm going to hit the sac early tonight, night everyone.

Songs

2006-02-18T21:13:00.000-08:00

I was at the laundry mat doing my laundry today and listening to my iPod on shuffle and when certian songs came on memories just came flooding back to me. Does this ever happen to anyone else? That when you hear a song or a lyric from a song that it brings you back to a place, a time in the past or a memory...good or bad? "Around Here" by the Counting Crows came on first and I had a grin on my face from ear to ear and started to laugh a little. Anytime I hear that song (or pretty much anything from the August and Everything After cd) I think of Franklin. Living with Gramma Lu and Grampa Ted. I think of Sara. I think of Conlyn Ave and the friends we had there. Its funny how some songs make you think of things.

Anytime I hear the first note of Pink Floyd's Money I think of my Dad and always will...that is "our song". Very untraditional but we are untraditional.

"P. S. We'll call when we get there" by the Juliana Theory reminds me of when Jay, Matt, Adam Lizzy and I went to Boston to see them.

"Shifting Sand" by Cademon's Call reminds me of Nate Damon. About five or so years ago we tried to do a little "coffee shop/open mic night" at my old church and Nate and one of his friends from college got up and preformed that song and it was amazing.

I could go on forever with this but I won't bore all of you who are reading this.

Somedays I feel like song lyrics can better describe my life than I can. If I could just explain my life story in song lyrics I would.

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Thunder and Lightning

I've lived here for almost a year now (wow ). Tonight was the first time I heard thunder and saw lightning. Its so weird to think that on this coast we don't really get those kinds of storms where back East they can get pretty nasty. This thunder and lightning lasted all of five seconds, so not comparable to the East coast. I think the loudest, scariest and most beautiful lightning storms I've ever seen were when I was in Haiti...it seemd liked we had one just about every night. I actually kind of miss having them.

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So far its been a pretty laid back weekend which is kind of nice. I feel like I'm usually busy during the week and not so much on the weekends. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I'm enjoying the laziness of the weekend. Its been raining like crazy, so its been cool here and I just want to curl up on the couch and watch a dvd or read a good book. I watched the Breakfast Club tonight. I've read all the books on my book shelves, so not much selection there any more.

_______________________________________________________________

What's wrong baby, don't they treat you like they should?
Did you take �em for it?
Every penny that you could?
We once walked out on the beach and once I almost touched your hand.
Oh how I dreamed to finally say such things then only to pretend.
Don't you know I'm thinkin�, drivin� 405 past midnight.
You know I miss you.
Don't you know that I miss you?
Ninth and Ash on a Tuesday night.
I would write to you from a museum mile, toast to you:
your whisper, your smile.
Up the stairs at the Weatherford, a ghost each place I hide.
If you don't don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight.
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
And I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don't well, honey, then you don't.
I left you waiting, at the least could we be friends?
Should have never started, ain't that the way it always ends?
On my life I'll try today, there's so much I've felt I should say, but.
Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain.
If you don't don't know, why'd you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight.
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don't well, honey, then you don't.
So here we are now, a sip of wine a sip of water.
Someday maybe, maybe someday we'll be smarter.
And I'm sorry that I'm such a mess, I drank all my money could get and,
took everything you let me have and then I never loved you back.
If you don't don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean the please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight?
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now yeah need this, need this.
If you don't well, honey, then you don't
And if you don't well, honey, then you don't
If you don't know, honey, honey, then you don't.

If you don't, don't~Jimmy Eat World

God's Signature

2006-02-17T16:25:00.000-08:00

Sunset 3
Originally uploaded by jennyjene.

Its been a weird day...not a bad one just weird. If I could put it in to words on this I would and it would probably help me explain this feeling.

All I know is that God is so amazingly good to me. Can't thank Him enough for all that He has done and gives me each and every day. Just thinking back to where I've come from and how this journey of life has been so far, its just crazy. Its awesome to see the blessing He dishes out each day especially the blessings of those around you. I don't deserve all I've been given. To Him, the one who created me and this beautiful earth and these amazing sunsets...I owe everything. To Him I am beautiful, I am love, I am His. Thank you.

Cross

2006-02-16T16:32:00.000-08:00

Cross
Originally uploaded by jennyjene.

Flickr

2006-02-15T16:48:00.000-08:00

For more photos check out: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennyjene or www.jsmphotos.com

Enjoy!

~Jenny

Tulip

2006-02-14T16:54:00.000-08:00

Tulip
Originally uploaded by jennyjene.

Hopefull I will get photos up here more often...here is one to start with at least. Hope you like it.

~Jenny

2006-02-14T16:32:00.000-08:00

Not to much is happening right now. The stress from work is dying down slowly.
Its Valentine's Day today. Nothing wonderful happening tonight. Just going to buy the first season of Grey's Anatomy so I can finally see how it ends. Basically that's the highlight of my week. Ha ha such an exciting life let me tell ya.

This weekend was pretty good. Saturday night the guys (Mondo, Chris and Nathan) came over to set up a shelf that my roommate bought about a month ago and just hasn't had the time to set up. So in return I made them steak n salsa (mostly because I was craving it). They seemed to like it, and that's always a plus. Come to think of it, I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't like it. See something good can come out of every not so pleasant situation ;) I got some junk from Chris about my comments on military guys, I guess I really should practice thinking before I speak. Probably didn't help that the last time I made that comment I was around a group of navy guys. Woops. Lesson learned. Mondo got his new camera and brought it over. He ended up going with the Nikon D50. Its a pretty nice camera, but I love my D70. I can't wait to afford my other lens!

Sunday I went with Kelly to the AT&T pro-am at Pebble Beach. So I know nothing about golf, but had a great time and actually learned a few things. Saturday was the day for all the celebs, but there were still a few on Sunday, such as Michael Bolton, hahah. I couldn't think of a song of his to save my life. Kelly and I were trying to figure one out and these two guys behind us kept butting in to our conversation said they "celebrated his whole collection" but still couldn't really name a song for us. So weird. Then one of them said that him and Michael were "good buddies", then finally admitted he only met him once and he probably has no clue who he is now. Kelly if you ever read this all I have to say is...Red Hot Pants. The highlight of my day was seeing Emmitt Smith! He wasn't having a good golf day.

Last night I finally broke down and got my self so new kicks. Its only been about five years since I bought a pair. The last ones I bought were for when we went on our missions trip to Romania and we hiked the alps there...I think they were pretty much shot at that point. Lately I've been wearing them to and from work and getting nasty shin splints. So I finally did it and got some new ones. I went to foot locker last night and was looking around. Found a cool pair that I liked but they were 79.00 and then I found another pair that were 89.00 but had a tag on them that said "2 for 89.00". So I asked if the other pair I liked were part of that deal, and they just so happened to be. So to sum up this not so exciting story for everyone else I got two new pairs of kicks for the price of one! So stinkin awesome.

Change of opinion

2006-02-09T16:39:00.000-08:00

I'm not even sure how long I have had this opinion or what started it but its been pretty stinkin strong for a long time. I have this thing with the military where I automatically think that all of them are jerks (we'll put this in nice terms). Ask anyone who knows me and I'm sure they have heard me say this at least once, "I will never marry anyone in the military" or "I can't stand military guys". I don't know where this anger came from against anyone in the military, but I wish I did. So over the years this has been my pattern of thinking...ALL military guys are jerks. But, lately I have had a slight change of opinion...not ALL military guys are jerks...some still are but not all. I have met some pretty awesome guys that just happen to be in the military, but they aren't your "typical" military foul mouth jerks. It might help that they are Christians...

There has been one guy in the military who I have always looked up to and admired, my cousin Steven. I remember being little and him going to the Gulf War. I was in the fourth grade and my class would write him letters during his time over there and when he returned he came and spoke to our class. I also remember being there when he came home. If I could put into to words the excitement to see him get off that plane and to be standing in front of us, I would. Again he went over for this war and I was there when he returned...still the same amazing man I looked up to when I was younger. I'm not sure what this man ever did for me to be so in awe of him, but I still am to this day. He will always be one of those men in my life that I will have great respect for.

Anyway, went to the guys last football game last night up at DLI. Pretty good stuff, wish I knew about them sooner, would of definitely loved to go to more. It was a great game, but sad to say they lost in the last minute or so! It was way more exciting than this years super bowl!!

Sara's visit went well. I got to spend as much time as I could with her, and she got to see all of her friends out here. The baby shower was awesome... I think she had a really good time.

It was really good for me to have her here and actually be able to talk with her face to face about some things. She's such an awesome woman of God, and truly a blessing to me in so many ways. I'm so thankful that Jason thought of sending her out here. Next time I see her she'll be a mom...wow. I plan on flying out there for the first week of May to spend them with them and Jed! I'm so excited to be an aunt and this little boy is going to be so spoiled!

Things pondered....

2006-02-03T14:50:00.000-08:00

When I was in China (wow almost three years ago now, some days it seems like just yesterday I was there), I grew so much closer to God that I ever had, it was truly amazing. Granted at the time I wasn't that aware of it, but when I came home and ever since I've realized more and more the closeness that I shared with Him, and how I long to have that even more. I feel like moving to California was the next step in that direction. Where it was just the two of us. Me and Him. Having nothing...no family and not much of my "material" life with me, He is truly all I had. On those lonely days and tear filled nights, it was Him who I had to turn to and be comforted by. Trust me, its not always easy.

During that time I also started to pray for my husband...who ever he may be. I don't know why I had such a strong desire to start praying for him, but I have been ever since. I wonder so many times who he is and what is he like? I wonder what he is dealing with in his life, where he is and where he comes from. I know that God has a truly amazing man for me, and right now its all about being patient and waiting on God's time and obviously not my own. I find myself writing him letters every now and then. Letters that some days have no particular meaning, and others are on major things that have happened in my life. I'm just so curious about him...Is he a man of God? Does he have a heart for missions? Does he have a heart for China? Will he make me laugh more than he makes me cry? There are a million questions I would love to know the answers to, but again in God's time, not mine. I would love to someday do a missions trip with my husband to China. Actually I would love to just be able to have someone to travel with!

I have been very fortunate however to meet some truly amazing men of God, and to have them in my life as friends is a blessing and means more than I'm sure all the of them will ever know. Its been a great learning experience for me, sometimes a hard learning experience but never the less a good one. God is truly amazing.

I'm excited to see what God has planned for me next. Life has become more of an adventure to me now. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I can't wait to find out.

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When I went home for Christmas this year it was so hard for me. I was happy to see everyone, but I feel like I've changed so much over the past 8 months and I go back and I feel like everyone else is still the same. Then I feel like jerk, like I'm judging them, when I'm really not meaning too, but I just see the change that God has done in me and I go back and its the same as when I left. Maybe I should have expectations for others. I don't know. I love my family and friends and I miss them a ton, but in all honesty I don't ever see myself moving back there. I think I've become a much better person away from there, that when I go back I slide right back into my old self. I don't like it. About two days into my trip back East, I was ready to head back West. I feel like I had such a hard time connecting and interacting with people that I have spent that last six years or so of my life with. Conversations were quick and superficial for the most part...what is this all about? There still was not many good deep talks, not much about God, not much more than surface gossip. It frustrates me so much. There are still a few people back East that I can have these conversations with but the numbers are getting smaller and smaller.

I don't feel like MA is home anymore and I'm not completely sure if California is either, it's such a weird feeling. I don't think that I will be here in CA for the rest of my life. I don't see my self settling down and having a family here (its way to much money), but I don't know where that place will be. Guess its just part of the adventure.

I know change is a hard thing, but this one just hurts. Its sad to see people you love still in the same places when you have seen so much more, and the possibilities that are out there. Sometimes its just heart breaking. You want to help, but how? You don't want people to think you are judging them, so I guess all I can do is pray...

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So this weekend should be a good one. Tomorrow is Sara's first baby shower! Ohhh the other night I got to feel Jed moving around. That has got to be one of the coolest/weirdest things ever!! I'm happy I got to witness it. Hopefully everything will turn out well tomorrow, I guess there are about 30 people coming so that's a good start.

Sunday....Super Bowl Sunday!!!!! To bad that Pat's aren't in it again this year, but I guess we can't be greedy, I mean come on now, 3 in 4 years, that's pretty stinkin good if you ask me. I guess we should give someone else a shot. Hopefully I'll get to watch it this year...so sad, can't watch it at Marc and Sue's house with everyone! That kind of stinks. What really weird is that out here on the West coast it starts at 3:00 in the afternoon!! I'm so used to the 6:00 start time and getting out of there so stinkin late. Not this year, its all in the afternoon, except it probably won't be over before Sunday Night service starts, so that part kind of stinks. I guess I'll have to hear who wins after the fact...and its not like my teams playing so.

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Well I guess thats it for now...

Better

2006-02-01T16:32:00.000-08:00

Things are getting better. I had my break down and things are starting to look up from here. We aren't really on speaking terms but hopefully we'll get there sooner rather than later.

During all this God has just shown Himself more and more to me. He truly is amazing in all that He does, especially the little things in life. It's great to see that when one door closes He always seems to open another one just at the right time. He brings amazing people into your lives to help you along the way. Its truly the small little things that everyone seems to overlook on a daily basis that blows me away. I just feel truly blessed right now, even from the smallest act or word of kindness from a friend. I think its even better when its someone that you least expect.

I went out to take some photos yesterday...not many but at least I was out doing it finally. I've been working on some photoshop stuff too. Eventually I'll get them uploaded to my site (www.jsmphotos.com) and hopefully add some on here too.

Work has been crazy for the past few weeks, and there is no end is sight! Oh well its keeping me busy and my mind off of things so that's good. Seeing as I have been working late a few nights I get to come in to work late tomorrow morning...I'm so excited.

Sara is here this week!!! Its been great getting to see her and spend time with her. So far the only time I really get to spend with her is in the mornings before I head to work, but tonight we get to hang out and possibly go see a movie. Her baby shower is this weekend I hope everything turns out well. I feel like I haven't done much for it, I've been so busy its been hard. Thank God she has some amazing friends out here to help!

Have I told you I have the best older sister ever! While I was in the middle of an interview today she came down to my work and left me a boquet of Gerber Daisy's and a Carmel Apple Cider from Starbucks! She's awesome, completely made my day. I actually got to have lunch with her today too! So minus all the stress from work, its been a good day so far. =0)

I'll try to keep this updated more often!

I'm Not Fine

2006-01-20T15:16:00.000-08:00

Ok well its been close to two months since I last updated this page. Sorry about that.

Lets see...I still have a job, its great. I'm really enjoying where I work and the people I work with.

I don't still have a boyfriend however. Yup you read it right, single yet again. Here's the break down. Everything was fine (or so I thought), I went home for almost two week for Christmas, came back on the 29th, and on New Years Eve we decided to take a two week break and pray about some things. About a week and a half into the break it ended. The first two week of the break I cried my eyes out, because I had a guy feeling that this was going to end, but never wanted to truly admit it out loud. I basically avoided talking to family and friends back home during this because I didn't want them to sense that something was wrong and I wasn't up for explaining it at that point, hoping that I would never have to.

So for about the first week or so after the break up anytime anyone would ask how I was doing my generic answer was "I'm fine...Its good, we are still friends". When in reality I wasn't fine, I'm still not fine. I got hurt, and I still hurt. This sucks. Mostly because I lost my best friend. I finally had my "breakdown" the other night. I just wanted to scream "I HURT" "I'M NOT FINE". Is that what everyone wanted to hear? I'm sure they were all thinking it, but I thought I was playing it off just fine. I couldn't bring myself to admit the fact that I was hurting, I don't know why. Its not like lying about it was helping me at all. Me lying to everyone else wasn't doing anything either...Seriously what was the point? It's not like this effected their lives. Why was (am I) I so ashamed to admit that I got hurt? Why does this bother me so much? I felt weak, and like a fool. A fool for allowing myself to be deceived and lied to yet again. I started to ask myself, "What were you thinking? Didn't you see any signs from the last time?" Maybe what they say is true, "third times a charm". I guess we'll have to wait and see about that one. I already find myself leary of future situations. Will I be able to trust someone again. Will I allow myself to go through something and take a risk at being hurt. Have I truly become this cynical? Do wonderfully amazing men only appear in books and movies? Maybe I read and watch movies too much. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!

We are going to try and remain friends. I would love this more than anything, but its going to take a lot of time, work and building of trust. It's just not going to happen over night and I needed to realize that. This aren't going back to "normal", they can't. Maybe someday eventually there can be a new normal, but that is far off in the distance. Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy, and hopefully a great friend again some day.

So now I'm trying to find other things to fill my time with. My normal fall back is taking pictures. I guess I'll start doing more of that, and hopefully update my site again soon with some new photos.

I GOT A JOB!!! (and a boyfriend)

2005-11-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

I finally got a job. I just heard back yesterday about a job I applied to a month ago and interviewed for last week...Admissions officer at MIIS, Monterey Institute of International Studies. The start date was listed as December 5th, which means about three more weeks with out a job, my health insurance and benefits wouldn't start until January 1st but they knew I didn't have a job right now so they changed their minds and I am now starting tomorrow! I can't wait to actually be working again. To top it off, the pay is great, not complaints there that is for sure. So I'll try to be better at updating this and will let you all know how the first day goes.

Oh I have a boyfriend for all of you who don't know yet...yup me actually has a boyfriend. I know its been a good three years or so but it finally happened. He is awesome. His name is Dustin, and he is just great. Makes me laugh so hard and treats me great. I went with the youth group to southern Cal for a week and when I got back there were flowers on my bed...and this was even before we started dating. I'll have to put a picture up here eventually.

Well I'll be home for Christmas...from December 17-29th, so hopefully I will be able to see a bunch of people....see you then!

Long Time

2005-09-28T13:42:00.000-07:00

Sorry its been such a long time since I last updated this. Lets see what has happened?
Well I moved from Ventura to Monterey. I stayed with Sara and Jason for the past month until they moved to Maryland. Now I am living with my friend Heather and one of the nicest apartments around! (well better than any of mine back home). I'm still doing the job search thing but I know everything will all work out, I mean it has up until now so why would it change?

Having had this last month to spend with Sara and Jay before they moved was awesome. I got to just help them out as much as possible around the house and getting stuff ready for the move. Sara being pregnant now needed all the help and rest she could get so it was nice to be here for that. I'm sad that I wont really be around for the rest of it, but I can't wait until April when "poppy" is born. I am so happy and excited for them. They are going to make such great parents. Jay graduated from NPS last Friday, and they left on Saturday morning to start their drive back East.

I'm trying to remember what else has happened in my life. I guess a lot of little things have been going on but nothing too exciting I guess. I saw March of the Penguins...awesome movie! I learned how to play poker this week (Thanks Dustin). Going to Big Sur this weekend and taking some pictures. I can't wait. I am now getting back into photography and wanting to pick up my camera. I think now that I don't have to do it, my passion is coming back to me. I am actually going to use both my Minolta and my Nikon this weekend. I haven't used my Minolta since I got my Nikon, so its been a while.

Jimmy Eat World was in San Fran last weekend and guess what I missed them, AGAIN, and this weekend they are in Sacramento, and all sold out! So sad. But I think at the end of October, Dustin and I are going to go and see Weezer and Foo Fighters! Next weekend Heather and I are going to see Olivia the band play.

I guess that is it for now, I am sure there are other things that have been going on but nothing is coming to mind right now...

Again sorry it took so long for me to update this.

http://jsmphotos.com

AUNTIE

2005-08-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Sara and Jason...the Parents to Be!

On August 17th (Their three year wedding anniversary) I received a phone call at 3:00 am and I knew what it was about before I even picked it up. I had the hardest time sleeping that night and a hard time going back to sleep after I got the call. I was beyond excited. I couldn't yell or scream because like I said it was 3am. I am extremely happy for them. I expect another one of these phone calls in about eight and a half months telling me she is in labor and I need to hop on a flight and fly back east to welcome my new niece or nephew into the world.

I am so excited about being an Aunt. I can't wait! This would be make my parents grandparents, wow. This baby will be the first great grand child on my mom's side of the family!

Well I will be moving up there with them in only two more days! Which I guess is good timing so I can help Sara pack up their place and get things ready for their move back East while Jay finishes up school. Crazy how things work out huh?

RAIN

2005-08-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

I have been living in "beautiful southern California" since April now, and I would give a lot just to have a day that it would rain. I don't mean that little drizzle stuff but a real rain storm. Maybe even a thunder storm and most of you know how much I dislike them. But I mean come on now, it hasn't rained once in four months. This isn't normal for me.

My friends from class took me out to eat last night to say good-bye. It was Holly, Tim, Daryl and Barry. Barry and I were talking outside of starbucks about this and how it is driving us crazy. You know how in Seattle it always rains and people say I could never live there it would make me depressed? Well its kind of like that feeling. For the past few days it has been grey skies with out a glimpse of sun. Back home, this would mean it was going to rain, here it means nothing...just grey skies! I miss the smell right before its going to rain. When I hear the Yellowcard song, Back Home (lyrics listed below) it basically sums up life in southern Cali. It gets old pretty quickly. Maybe that happens just about everywhere I don't know, maybe I feel like that because its not "home", and its not my usually comfort zone. I'm looking forward to this move. I miss a change in weather. I miss rain. I think I can live with out snow, but rain?

After dinner some of us went to the Ventura County Fair...it was ok. It costs $7.00 to get in and then you have to pay for everything else in there, didn't get that really but. Then Mandy and I hung out for a bit and watched a movie and on the way home it started to drizzle...not rain but drizzle. I guess I'll take it if that is all I am going to get.
______________________________________________________________________
Don't know what I was looking for when I went home, I found me alone
And sometimes I need someone to say, "You'll be all right. What's on your mind?"
But the water's shallow here and I am full of fear, and empty handed after two long years

Another sunny day in Californ-i-a
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance to feel it

Back home I always thought I wanted so much more, now I'm not too sure
Cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me and feeling free
Free to stand beside the ocean in moonlight
And light myself a smoke beneath the dark Atlantic sky

Another sunny day in Californ-i-a
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it

Everybody here is living life in fear of falling out of line
Tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hearts just to pass the time
And the eyes get red in the back of your head, this place will make you blind
Put it all behind me and I'll be just fine

Another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky
Sometimes I wish that it would rain here
And wash away the west coast dreaming from my eyes
There's nothing real for them to see here

Another starry night in Californ-i-a
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it (back home, yellowcard)

Packing...Again

2005-08-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

I take it you all have read my e-mail by now. Thank you for all of your encouraging e-mails and support.

So now I'm packing...again! As much as I hate it, I have to say I'm pretty good at it by now. I don't have as much stuff this time so its a lot easier and I am taking my time with it. I'm excited about this move. I'll be staying with Sara and Jay until I can find my own place. I need to find a job too, but I have an idea of places to apply to when I get up there. Jason K said I could store my futon and bookshelf at his place until I get my own...Thanks so much. I really didn't want to have to get rid of it just to spend more money to get another one.

Besides packing and just kicking back (what a life huh?...I'm so bored with it right now). I have been working on my website. I've had it for a little while now but never did anything with it. I figured I have the time right now to at least get it up and running. Its nothing fancy...I don't know much about doing these but it works so I guess that is all that matters. Eventually I'll be selling prints off of it too, its just going to take me a little bit of time to get that all set up and get the supplies to make the prints and mat them! If you get a chance check it out http://jsmphotos.com

Well I guess I'm going to go and get some more stuff done around here.

Picture This...

2005-08-04T00:30:00.000-07:00

Some of you have asked to see some pictures that I have taken over the past few months, and I am sorry this has taken me so long to get up. I couldn't sleep just yet so I figured I would go threw my photos and pick some out for all of you. Some of these were used for class assignments (not many of them) and the others were just me messing around, or weren't good enough for my assignments. I'll try and update this more often with pictures, hope you enjoy them!

AIDS Life Cycle, Ventura, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Seth Dvorin Cross, Santa Barbara, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Kelly Rangel, Santa Barbara, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Memorial Day, Santa Barbara, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Toy Truck, Ojai, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Flowers, Pacific Grove, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Calm, Pacific Grove, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Worship, Spirit West Coast, Monterey, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Cars, Malibu, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Malibu Fishing Pier, Malibu, CA/©Jenny S Manseau 2005

Barry/©Jenny S. Manseau 2005

Boats, Monterey, CA/©Jenny S. Manseau 2005

Sunrise in Monterey, CA/©Jenny S. Manseau 2005

Pacific Grove, CA/©Jenny S. Manseau 2005

Monterey

2005-08-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

I spent the last week up in Monterey clearing my head and hanging out with Sara, Jay and their friends. My main reason for going up was for Ryan and Jenny's wedding, which was awesome. It was so nice and beautiful. We had a little party for Jenny on Wednesday night when I got there, it was awesome. Sara had a chocolate foundue with fruit, so good. We played some games, well I took the pictures. The first game was really cool, they broke up in to three teams, the mothers, the sisters and the friends and each had five minutes to make Jenny a wedding dress out of toilet paper, sooo funny.

Thursday night, Sara and Jason were on the ministry team for Spirit West Coast, and I have been wanting to go to this for so long, but couldn't really afford the tickets right now. But Sara got a call from a friend of hers saying that someone was selling tickets for $20.00 for the day (which they are normal $40.00 for the day), So Sara and I went and picked up a ticket for me for Thursday night so I could join them and then we turned around and got to more for Friday so we could go and see Mat Kearney, Mute Math and David Crowder! So the three of us went on Thursday night and when they were doing their ministry work I went walking around to all the vendors and talked with a guy from Wycliffe Ministries for a bit.

Friday, Sara and I spent most of the day there. We saw Mat Kearney, Mute Math and David Crowder, all were awesome! We met Mat Kearney and got our picture taken with him (ya, we're dorks, but it was fun). Mute Math put on such an awesome show and David Crowder was awesome.

Pete and Debbie VanDuyne came up from Texas to visit Sara and Jay so I got to see them too!! Sara and I hung out with them yesterday and went to Pacific Grove.

Venice, L.A. Santa Monica, Santa Barbara...

2005-07-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back up in Monterey for Ryan and Jenny's wedding this weekend. I came up a few days early to hang out with Sara and Jay and just kick back and relax.

Lets see, what's been happening since I last updated? I've had a few assignments due for class, so I went down to Vince Beach, Santa Monica Pier and L.A. to do some shooting. Had an awesome time down there. I remember going when I was little but didn't remember anything about it, but it looks just like all the pictures you see. Crazy people doing crazy things and tons of little shops all along the "board walk". The drive down there is beautiful on the 1. It goes right along the coast and all you see is people pulled over, laying on the beaches and surfing. We ended up pulling over for about an hour or two and I laid out and got a tan. The sun was right above us so it wasn't great for taking pictures and we needed to kill some time. What a better way to do it?

After going to those three places I still needed some shots and a bunch of us were heading up to Santa Barbara on Sunday to have a cook out on the beach again so some of us decided to go up earlier and take some shots. Julia and I ended up at the Zoo and where we go there people were driving up in limos and there was a huge event going on in the center of the zoo. You had to have an orange band to get in and instead of asking how to get one, we just walked around it for about an hour wondering...finally we asked and ran to get one. It was a benefit for the Dream Foundation (www.dreamfoundation.org) (all we noticed were the free Jamba Juices). So after we get our tickets and they give us the list of events for the rest of the day we read it over and see that Brad Garrett, Cris Judd, Bruce Jenner, Harry Shearer and Elizabeth Pena are going to be there!! We got to see Cris Judd give hip-hop lessons to little kids, and take pictures of everyone. It was such an awesome time and a great cause.

So now I'm here in Monterey, just hanging out, relaxing, and clearing my mind...

©Jenny S. Manseau 2005

©Jenny S. Manseau 2005

©Jenny S. Manseau 2005

©Jenny S. Manseau 2005

Weeks in Review

2005-07-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

Ok so its been a while...about two weeks I guess since I last updated this. Well I had two weeks off of school, the first week I just hung out here in Ventura and kicked back and relaxed a bit. Not to much exciting happening around here. I hung out with some friends and waited until Sara and Jason came back to this coast so I could go up and visit them for my send week off. On Sunday the 3rd, went to church, had a cook out, went swimming at a friends place, then Mandy and I came back to my place and I cleaned and took out my trash before I left the next day to Monterey. We went and ate at the Hungry Hunter, where Brian works. Oh my it was so good, and I ate way to much food, so we went for a walk on the beach after to walk some of it off. We ended up meeting up with Raymundo and started a fire on the beach and watched the fireworks going off (some random people setting them off on the beach), there were tons of fires going that night. After that we ended up at Denny's just sitting outside and talking for a couple more hours and as we were getting ready to leave to more friends showed up and they were actually going to get food so we joined them. Denny's was crazy that night...The Warp Tour was down the road earlier in the day and a bunch of people were hanging out there, and they were under staffed...it took us about 20 minutes to get water. I think I got home around 3:30 and started packing for my trip the next day.

I had to be to the Santa Barbara train station around 12:00 so we went a little early so I could go to the camera shop and get my equipment for this next session...they ended up being closed. I had been trying to call them for about four days with no answer...now I know why. So as we (Mandy, Raymundo and I) are sitting on the benches (there is an over hang where the benches are) something flies on my head and decides to stay there...so everyone is laughing and I'm smacking this poor thing on my head thinking its a bat or something, ends up being a little bird learning how to fly...I'm surprised I didn't kill the thing. So I finally get it off and try to get it to fly back where it came from.

The train ride was interesting to say the least. I felt like I was at a taping for a soap opera. There was this one couple and her daughter in front of me that was just going at it the whole time. I mean full force cussing, wedding rings being thrown back and forth, crying, drinking, promising to get off the train at the next stop (they always got back on!!), it was a sight to see let me tell you. I had to get up and walk around quite a bit, I just couldn't take it any more. The guy kept yelling "Security" "Security"...nothing ever came of that. Becky called me from Boston (thanks so much for calling! I was so bummed that I was going to miss that this year). The train was 2 1/2 hours late but I got to Monterey just in time for the fireworks to begin. The just started going off when I got dropped off so I ran to Mike and Alicia's dropped my bags off, and ran down to the beach where everyone was. Ok so the fireworks out here don't even compare to the ones back East! These lasted for maybe 10 minutes, but I was happy to see some.

Sara and I got to hang out for most of the week, but Jason had started school again so didn't get to spend tons of time with him. Sara and I stripped a table and started to mosaic it with broken pieces of pottery from my bowls I shipped out and pieces she had donated to her. It looks really good so far. I got to babysit Jonathan! I was so excited to do that, and it gave me a chance to take some more pictures of him, which I put together a DVD for Mike and Alicia of pictures I had taken during my last couple of times there. Jenny, Sara and I went to Bubba Gumps restaurant, pretty good stuff. Went to their College and Career group on Thursday night and got to see more of their friends. I'll be up there again in a couple of weeks for Ryan and Jenny's wedding! Sara, Jana and I went beading one day. And I feel like I am forgetting so much, so if/when I remember it, I'll update this.

Jonathan ©Jenny S Manseau 2005

I came home on Saturday and the train was running about 1-1 1/2 hours late to begin with, then they got a call saying that someone had jumped a fence north of San Jose and got hit by the train, so it could be delayed another 3 or so hours. If we were going to Santa Barbara, which I was, we had the option of taking the bus. Best decision ever. I think I would much rather take the bus both ways next time. Granted there is no food or much room to walk around in but it go there so much faster than the train did. Even with running 1 1/2 late I still arrived in Santa Barbara at my correct time.

I started my second session on Tuesday of this week. I'm only taking one course which is Understanding Light. So far so good. Its really technical but I really enjoy this instructor so far. His name is Brent Winebrenner ( www.brentwinebrenner.com )(shoots a lot for the Lonely Planet) and we have Rick Rickman sitting in on our class ( www.rickmanphoto.com ) (he has shot for Time, National Geo and more). I have three assignments due by next Tuesday at noon, so I'm waiting for the clouds to go away so I can start shooting some of them today. Class is on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7:00 am - 9:45 am, its killing having this class so early because last session my earliest class was at 11:45 am and my other class was 6:00 at night.

Anyway going to catch some Z's...like I said I'm sure I'm forgetting tons of stuff from the past two weeks so if/when I remember I'll let you know and I'll upload some pictures soon.

Grades

2005-06-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

Classes officially ended on Thursday of last week and Friday we had course evaluations, and review of the final exams. On my cultural studies final exam I got a 99! I had to read eight chapters...a total of 255 pages. This book is not an easy read that is for sure. But our exam covered the last eight chapters for the book, Literature, Drama, Music, Dance, Film, Photography, The Interrelationships of the Arts, and Is It Art or Something Like It?. I had put off reading most of it because of the papers that were due and just getting overloaded with work for both classes, but thank God I did read it because all the questions come from the book, and I would of been dead. As much as I didn't want to take this course because of the papers, I really enjoyed it. Ron is a great teacher and I'm planning on taking the second cultural studies class with him. My final grade for the course is an "A"

As for my photography course, I thought that class was going to kill me. That course I thought would be so much easier than the general ed, but I was wrong. It was all technical, like memorizing the shutter speeds, apertures and ISO's. At one point I really thought I would have to take this over just, most people in the class were having a hard time with it. But I studied and I'm not joking a good two days solid for this exam, and it paid off let me tell you. I got an "A-" on my final exam! As I was taking it I'm thinking to myself, man this is so much easier than I thought it would be. The exam covered everything for the beginning of the class until the end, so there was a lot of information. My final grade for the class is a "B-". I guess busting your butt really does pay off!

I'm off of school for two weeks, but really its only one because for every session we have what's called a prep-week assignment due the first day of class. This goes for both our photography courses and our gen-ed's but this session coming up I only have my photography course to worry about. For the photography courses for the most part it is a photo assignment but for our next class its 50 questions. For the gen-ed classes its usually a paper that is due. So I will have to start working on that soon. I have to buy some more equipment this week (so much money), I have to buy a light meter and a flash for this next class. I also have to start buying some books in the bibliography and get some reading done. Next week I am going to head up and visit Sara and Jason for a couple of days then head back here and get some more stuff for school done.

This weekend I rearranged my room a bit, did laundry at the laundromat for the first time since I have been here (usually I do it at a friends house to save money). Saturday evening, Daryl, Barry and I had a cook out on the beach up in Santa Barbara...awesome time. We had steak, grilled corn on the cob, mushrooms, hot Italian sausages and a tomato, mozzarella, prosciutto salad with kalamata olives...yum yum. Walked the beach for a bit and just hung out. I got to hang out with Mandy this weekend for a bit. We went out for her mom's birthday on Sunday night. We went to a really nice restaurant in Santa Barbara (actually right near where I was on Friday night), for some really good seafood. I had salmon, and it was the best salmon I have ever had in my life. Last night Mandy and I made dinner for our friend Ben who leaves for Hawaii on Wednesday. He is doing a YWAM program down there , so we had a little going away party for him.

I guess that is it for now. I'm going to head to school in a bit and try to sell my cultural studies books to some new students.

And then there were 12

2005-06-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

Eight weeks ago the Visual Journalism program started with an April 2008 graduating class of 18 students and now there is 12, possibly less. For the most part people failed the course, but one lady is taking the summer off to spend with her children, and then there is Christian. He is leaving for a couple reasons I guess. I can understand where he is coming from but extremely sad to see him leave. He's a great guy and knows what he is doing when it comes to photography, he's just been such a great example and inspiration during this course. He'll still be living out her in Cali so I'm sure I'll see him ever now and then. Today was our last official day of classes. Tomorrow is just course evaluations and reviewing of our final exams! I'll update this tomorrow night and let you know how I did. I have an idea but not 100%.

I made it through my first session! And right about now I am so excited that it is over. I am looking forward to this break, sleeping and relaxing. My next class doesn't start until the 12th of July so I am going to go up and see Sara and Jason around the 4th of July. Speaking of Sara and Jay, congratulations to them...they just bought their first house! I am so excited for them and can't wait to be able to go and visit them back on the East coast.

Ok off to bed, can't keep my eyes open any longer. I'll write more tomorrow.

AIDS in Africa Final Project

2005-06-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

For my Cultural Studies class I had a final project due and a final paper to go along with it. We had to pick and artist that inspired us and create a piece of work of our own based on that inspiration and also write a seven page paper that talks about our artist, our subject matter and why we chose both of them. I chose my sister, Sara as my artist and her mixed media piece called "window of opportunity" (http://sssparks.blogspot.com). So below in pictures of my piece...AIDS in Africa.

We had our presentations in class today of our pieces of art, I think mine went well, (I'll let you know my grade when I get it back), and our paper is due on Wednesday.

Today I have been studying all day long. I finished one paper this morning before class, had class, came home and have been reading for my Cultural Studies final on Wednesday and my Basic Photojournalism exam that is tomorrow night! That's the one I'm actually nervous about. I am review notes, re-reading the assigned chapters, going over my old quizzes and what not, just praying that I don't freeze up on this exam. I really should get back to studying...its 11:01 here, and there is lots to get into my brain. Hopefully I will go to bed before 2:00 am this time.

I'll write more later this week...tomorrow and Wednesday are going to be jam packed with studying, papers and exams.

AIDS in Africa (a) ?Jenny S. Manseau, 2005
Originally uploaded by jennyjene.

AIDS in Africa (b) ?Jenny S. Manseau, 2005
Originally uploaded by jennyjene.

AIDS in Africa (c) ?Jenny S. Manseau, 2005
Originally uploaded by jennyjene.

One Week

2005-06-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, only one week left of my first session at Brooks. This past week was beyond stressful. Not much sleep, running around trying to get everything done in time (didn't really work well), and trying to find some sun light. We needed sun light for a project that was due on Thursday and the whole week was "June Gloom", but its funny yesterday and today...full of sun shine, not a cloud in the sky! We had to have our assignment in by 4:00 on Thursday so I was out in the morning and afternoon shooting and got back home, did all that I had to do, went to turn it in and my ftp server wasn't working. Its about 3:30 now and I was on the phone with the IT department at school and about 3:45 we just decided that I would e-mail my files to the guy and he would put them in for me. Ok great! Except my files got to her two minutes late. I guess better late then not at all right? Well lets hope so. These pictures were sooo bad. Just about everyone's weren't that great. A few people even posed their pictures, which by the way is a big NO around here. Photojournalist aren't allowed to do that, but it depends on who you work for and their policies, here at Brooks is a NO. Some people have lost their jobs over doing stuff like that, and lets just say, the people who did that on this project, all failed. This class is hard enough, and to get an "F" over something like that is going to kill their final grade significantly.

Well I have a mixed media project due on Monday along with a five page paper, then on Tuesday I have my final exam in my Basic Photojournalism course, Wednesday I have my final paper due (seven pages) and my final exam in my Cultural Studies class, Thursday I have my "Five Favorites" due in my photo class (five of my favorite pictures I have taken since the start of class), and then on Friday I have two 50 minute classes, one for my Cultural Studies and one for my Basic Photojournalism class...they are just review and evaluation classes. Then its BREAK! I can't wait.

I registered for my next session on Friday, I am taking Understanding Light on Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 7:00 am - 10:00 am. Which means I don't start class again until July 12th, so that gives me more time to go up and visit Sara and Jason after they get back from Maryland.

Guess I should go and get back to studying, papers and my art project.

STRESS

2005-06-14T22:53:00.000-07:00

Ok its official, stress has hit. With less than two weeks left and a junk load of work to get done, I'm about to go crazy. I will be out shooting ALL day tomorrow...from 7:00 am - 6:00 pm (only because we have a class tomorrow night) and Thursday is our last day to turn in any assignments! So I have to re-shoot two and for the first time shoot two assignments tomorrow all of which are due Thursday by 4:00 pm. Thank God I broke down and bought Photoshop for my lap top, that right there saves me so much stress from having to go to the lab. Now if I could only afford another lens so I wouldn't have to check them out all the time, and I don't have time to do that tomorrow, soooo I will have to make the two lenses that I do have work! I think I can pull a "B" in this class, or at least I am praying for that.

When I got home I had a small pot of Daisies (my favorite flower) out side of my door with a little note of encouragement from Mandy, she is such an awesome friend. Thanks Mandy! I don't think this could of come at a better time.

And at some point I need to write a five pager paper and a seven page paper for Monday and do a "mixed media" piece of work about AIDS in Africa for Monday also. And study for two final exams, one on Tuesday and one on Wednesday of next week. And find my five favorite photographs from this session (don't really have any, so I will need to get those done too)and turn those in on Thursday. Those will also be the start of my portfolio.

Friday I get to register for my next session, not sure if I am going to take one class or two, depends on when the gen ed classes are being offered. I already know that my next photography class, Understanding Light is on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings...at get this, 7:00 AM! Talk about a junky time for a class. Guess no one from class will be out on Monday nights drinking.

At some point today California had a Tsunami warning...but its over with, so no worries. Well I need to go and sleep, tomorrow is going to be a crazy day.

Brian and Raymundo

2005-06-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

Brian and Raymundo, @Jenny S. Manseau, 2005
Originally uploaded by jennyjene.

Brian and Raymundo at our home group cook out on June 6, 2005.

Mara and Manley

2005-06-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

Mara and Manley, ©Jenny S. Manseau, 2005
Originally uploaded by jennyjene.

Mara and Manley, hosts of our home group cook out, June 6, 2005

Barbie and Donnie

2005-06-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

Barbie and Donnie, Homegroup Cook Out on June 6, 2005